Who Are You Going to Influence in 2021?

 

“In a world of algorithms, hashtags and followers, know the true importance of human connection.”- Anonymous

Have you ever heard the term influencer?

In the social media world, an influencer is someone who is shown to be credible in a specific area, whether it be fashion, makeup, gaming, product review, fitness, etc.  They are considered experts in the area they are marketing and have an engaged following (and paying advertisers) to prove it. 

Did you know that you don’t need 2 million followers to be an influencer?  You don’t even have to have meaningful content frankly.   My daughter is an artist for a gamer on YouTube who has 4.5 million followers-- who just watch him play video games!  Say what?  Ya, you heard me!

Regular Joes-- and Jeanas—just like you and me, have the capacity to influence others.  Not only do we have the capacity, we are doing it every day—sometimes without even knowing it.  Facts!  (Slang I learned on TikTok) No Caps!  (More slang I learned on TikTok).

See what I mean?  Darn teen influencers got to me! 

Once upon a time, the ability to influence and be influenced came from a direct source that we had a human connection with; such as:  teachers, peers, coaches, siblings, or dare I say it—our parents!  I’m not saying we were not influenced by pop culture—it just came in the form of movies, record albums, posters, newspapers,  magazines—or MTV!   

Not from videos of teens dancing to WAP or a TikTok series about the day in the life of a stay-at-home daughter!  And yes I watched them!  For research purposes.  Geesh!

Today, due in large part to social media – and technology in general—our scope of influence has grown exponentially.   Technology has allowed us the opportunity to reach a much larger audience in a shorter period of time without ever having to grace them with our in-person presence.  An introvert’s paradise.

It has also allowed us the power of invisibility to pass judgement on others (I mean, it’s not like they are real people) or determine our success or self-worth solely on the volume of likes, follows, subscribes, shares, tags, tweets and retweets one receives on a post.   

Well, throw me a life saver because I’m drowning in a tear-filled sea of failure if that is the case! 

Let’s look deeper into social media—past the tutorials, past the product marketing, past the political commentary and articles.  There are millions of people seeking validation, attention and understanding through their online postings and connections.

Our need for human connection and socialization is innate and if we are not getting it at home, or at work, or from our peers—we will seek it elsewhere.  This elsewhere is who, how, and what will  influence us.   And it’s not always positive. 

So, how do we bring that scope of influence closer to home? 

We concentrate on the quality of those connections, not the quantity.  If just one of you watches my videos or reads my articles and they touch, inspire, motivate or influence you in a positive way, then I’m a successful influencer—regardless if you comment, follow, like, share or subscribe.

If my young adult cub writes out thank you cards for gifts she received without me asking her to for the first time, then I’m a successful influencer. 

If my teen cub goes out and buys his girlfriend flowers and chocolates when she is sad without me having to tell him—or having to pay for it, then I’m a successful influencer.

The ability to influence and be influenced through human connection is all around us.  Perhaps its your supervisor, or a mentor, a pastor or a neighbor who influences you and you don't even realize it.  Since you can't push like, how about a simple thank you.  That acknowledgement helps strengthen the connection.  

Perhaps you give advice or encouragement to a local budding artist or musician or someone starting out in an area that you have found success in.  Instead of clicking on follow, how about you pick up the phone and ask how they are progressing and offer up suggestions?  That follow up helps strengthen that connection.

So, I will ask you again, “Do you need 2 million followers to be an influencer?” 

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday- for a moment. 

Life is Short- Age Gratefully

David Bowie once said, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”  

Today I turned 51-years-old and Bowie’s quote really got me thinking.  

I joked around the past several months that I was not going to turn 51 this year; because I didn’t even get to celebrate or enjoy 50 due to COVID-19!    Instead, I decided I’d just turn 50 again.  

Over the weekend something changed my mind. 

I had the opportunity to get away to the coast; just me and my pup.  I seem to do most of my deep thinking during trips to the coast and this one was no different.  

Although I suffered some losses this past year and COVID-19 certainly turned my world upside down, I also had the most growth as a human being.  I spent the past 12-months working on me.  Working on my self-worth, my self-esteem—my self-love.  Working on being a better person, better friend and a better leader.  And you have all been a part of my journey through my writing and videos.  This is something I’ve always dreamed of doing, but never had the confidence to begin.

I decided when I started Workplace Wonda that I would be my authentic self, warts and all.  As I shared my stories with you, I began to look at my life differently.  I realized that every loss, win and everything in between is a part of my story—and is what has shaped the person I always should have been.

I am more than just a mom and wife.  I am a woman.  I am an individual.  I am a leader.  I have hopes and dreams that are mine—and only mine.  I’m learning about who I am, what I want to be—and I’m excited to see what is next.   I’ve learned to be alone with myself—and be okay.

There is no hiding this is a different chapter in my life.  ARP is knocking hard at my door.  Naturally, I refuse to answer!  But you can’t out run age—but I plan on putting up one hell of a fight.  

When I look in the mirror now, I notice the lines under my eyes are finer and more prominent.  I also see that grey hairs are sprouting out loud and proud on my middle part like never before.  And yet, I’ve never felt so confident as a woman.    When I speak, I project the power of my voice.  And, I believe for the first time that I deserve what I have earned and that I deserve to be treated equally and with respect.   

This past year I passionately committed myself to living in the moment and appreciating life.  So much so that I got a tattoo on my hip that states, “Be Here Now.”  This is a reminder to myself that each day is a gift and not to waste it away in shame and regret.

So, instead of turning “50 again,” I’ve decided to age gratefully (I’ll probably never age gracefully—I’m too vain) and acknowledge all the hard work I did when I was 50 and celebrate the start of a new year of life.   

Let's embrace Mondays, (or Tuesdays), and everyday with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.

Monday Morning Moment #ChooseHappy

 

Coming up with a Motivation Monday this week was difficult as it was on Monday that my Father was laid to rest. Goodbyes are never easy. It seems like I’ve had to do a few of those the past few years.

Saying goodbye is a part of life. As you get older, those goodbyes seem to happen more often—at least in the physical sense. I came across this quote by Rumi that says, “Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul, there is no separation.”

Think about that quote for a moment. Separation is only physical. No one or nothing, including death, can take away what you hold dear in your heart and soul. We have a treasure chest of experiences and memories to cherish long after something ends.

Unfortunately, sometimes in life bad things happen. And when bad things happen we want to know, why. “Why me?” Well, why not you? If you are spiritual, you may believe these things happen for a reason and that it is a part of a bigger plan. Scientists suggest it’s more random and what happens in the universe is without any divine purpose or intent.  That bad things that happen to you are not personal—just cause and effects.

Stay with me on this one for a moment. So, if you are to believe that bad things are going to happen, whether divine or random, you should equally believe good things are going to happen, correct? If that is in fact true, why is it that we focus so much on the bad—on the loss—on the negative?

I get it.

It is easy to only see the negative when there is so much pain, hate and uncertainty in the world. I choose to see the positive. It is a choice. I’m not saying I don’t have moments. I certainly do. Sometimes challenges and stressors pile up so high that you stumble over the weight of them.  This is when your power to choose is presented. There are not that many things we have ultimate control over, but this is one of them. You can choose to lay under the pile—or you can choose to stand up and face those challenges and stressors head on.

What if I told you today is going to be the best day of your life? What if I told you that today you will be showered with blessings and good fortune beyond belief? What would that day look like to you?

Each day you wake up, you have the opportunity to have the best day of your life-- up until that day has past. Meaning—there is always hope that something good is going to happen. The chances of good things happening to you increases the more you focus on-- good things. If you are searching and seeking out the bad in everything and everyone—there is 100% certainty you will find it.

As a reminder to myself—each day I pull up one of my favorite Tik Toker whose hashtag is #ChooseHappy. She has Stage 4 Breast Cancer and often films during or after chemotherapy. No matter how hard of a day she has with her cancer, her goal is to choose to be happy and to spread positivity—not hate. She always starts off her videos with, “Good Morning or Good Evening Lovelies.” Then she proceeds to give you a messages of encouragement like “You are worthy.” “You are important.” “You are loved.”

Wow! f that doesn’t make you believe there is good in the world, I don’t know what else will. What if each morning, we all #ChooseHappy? No matter what our challenges are, we #ChooseHappy. No matter the loss we’ve experience or the health crisis we are fighting, we #ChooseHappy. What if we not only #ChooseHappy for ourselves, but we spread that message, #ChooseHappy to our family, our friends and our co-workers?

What if—even when we have to say a physical goodbye-- we #ChooseHappy in celebration of a treasure chest of memories and a love that can never be separated?

Please join me and #ChooseHappy!

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and I'd like to dedicate this article to all the lives that Breast Cancer has touched. 

For more information on breast cancer awareness, visit: www.nationalbreastcancer.org

Move or the Universe Will Make You- Lessons Learned

  My Daddy

“I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved.” Universe

Well Universe, congratulations.  You’ve made me, and the remainder of mankind, inconceivably uncomfortable!   

Have you ever felt like a black cloud has been following you?  That everywhere you turn, lady luck is giving you the middle finger?  And just when you think your year could not get any worse, you find out that rock bottom has an underground bunker!  This pretty much sums up 2020 for me—and I’m sure the same could be said for many of you.

In addition to the state of our country due to the pandemic, unemployment, fires and social unrest to name a few—I lost both my Grandmother and Father within a few months of each other.   It’s like the Universe is saying, “Look Sissy, you’ve become complacent.  Time to shake things up.”  

It is said that out of every tragedy—out of every failure—there is a lesson to be learned.  And out of every lesson learned, there is growth—there is movement.  Is this what the Universe is trying to show us?  That we must experience things in our lives that make us uncomfortable in order to appreciate what we have—and imagine what could be?  

How many times did we blow off seeing a family member because we were too busy?  How often did we abuse our bodies and neglect our health?  How often did we thank the medical community or small business owners in our communities for the services they provide? How many times did we slow down enough to appreciate nature or time spent with our children?  I could go on and on… 

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, it’s difficult to ignore that we do not have total control over the Universe, its resources and its ability to teach us valuable lessons.  What we do with that information is up to us.  Will we continue to wash our hands vigorously and clean and disinfect all surfaces?  Will we be courteous about personal space and be more mindful about going to work sick?  Will we slow down and spend more quality family time together?  Will we visit our grandparents and parents regularly—just to say hello and give a hearty hug?

The thing about lessons is sometimes they are followed by shame and guilt.  After my Step-Dad died three years ago, I went into deep mourning.  Instead of spending time with other family members, I clung to my Mom as we tried to imagine a life without Dave and without fighting cancer.  The thing is, I still had a Grandmother and a Father that were alive.  They would have done anything to have my love and attention.  Instead, I choose to live in what was no longer.  Dave was gone.  I couldn’t bring him back.  I wish I could say that I learned from his death and spent countless hours with my family and friends.  But I didn’t.  I went inward instead.

I rarely visited my Grandmother, who lived in the same town as me.  The day before she died, I went to see her.  As I watched her sleep, I told her how much I loved her.  Slowly she opened her eyes, smiled and said, “You are so beautiful.”  “I love you.”  Those were her last words to me.  I told her she was the one that is beautiful.  She shook her head.  Even at the end, she was so happy to see me.  

A couple of months later, my Dad lay sleeping in his bed.  I came by after my Step-Mom alerted me that he wasn’t doing well and that he had been sleeping almost non-stop.  “Daddy?”  As his eyes came into focus he responded, “I thought you were an angel.”  "No Daddy, just your Princess," I whisper.  I got him out of bed and into his chair.  I made his bed with newly washed sheets.  I cooked him lunch and got him some water.  As he sat in his chair eating, I asked him if he would like me to cut his toe nails.  He responded, “Really?”  I sat on the ground next to his feet and carefully clipped away at his overgrown toe nails.  He was so swollen from edema that he couldn’t bend to care for his toe nails.  His skin was painfully dry, cracking and seeping water and blood from the edema.  I lotioned his feet and massaged them just like I used to do when I was a little girl after he returned from work.  A little over a week later he was gone.  

Yesterday I was going through our landline phone messages.  I rarely answer that phone and even more rarely check the messages.  There were two missed calls from my Dad.  His voice was hoarse, but he said on both of them, “Just checking on you.  I love you.”  It’s really hard not to feel regret.  I would do anything in the world to be able to answer that call now.  And he was checking on me because he hadn’t heard from me in a while.

I hope that in sharing this with you that you will not make the same mistake I made.  Time is precious.  Spend that time wisely.  Spend that time in appreciation for what you have and who you have.  Remember this; someone is out there right now praying for something you have been blessed with.  

One day this pandemic will be a mere memory (I hope), let it not be in vain.  Let us reflect on the good that has come out of this.  It has forced us to move and adjust.  It has made us appreciate the things we currently don’t have access to.  It has forced us to slow down and spend more time with our families.  

But life will go back to “normal” one day.  Will you wait until the Universe forces you to be uncomfortable again or will you willingly move in order to grow and find purpose?  

The decision is yours.

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.

 

Friends Are Like Diamonds- Precious and Rare

Due to the death of my Father this week, I will not be posting any videos this week.  Be sure to subscribe so that you can get future articles and videos.  Thanks to everyone for your kind condolences and well-wishes.  

Have you ever heard of the saying, “Friends are like diamonds, precious and rare?”

In truth, diamonds aren’t particularly rare; in fact, they are the most common precious stone available on Earth. It is the carat, color, cut and clarity of the stone that determines its value. Another words, it’s the quality of the diamond that makes it both precious and rare.

The same can be said of friends. You can have a large amount of people in your life you may define as friends, but the most precious of them—are in fact-- rare. 

It is said, “A good friend will help you move, but a RARE friend will help you move a body.” I know. I know. That’s a bit extreme. But, if you are lucky, you will be blessed with a friend who would do virtually anything for you—minus accessory to murder of course (wink).

I’ve had great (girl)friends and amazing (boy)friends though out the years, but a ride or die—I’ve only had one. It’s that person that you can depend on during good times and bad. It’s that individual that will tell you the truth no matter what, but will still support you when you don’t listen. They accept you for what you are—and what you are not. They are there for you during the most celebratory of times and the most heartbreaking of times. Rare indeed.

Trust doesn’t come easy for many of us, including me. Trust is tied to intimacy and having the ability to be vulnerable and accepting. Hurt, pain and disappointment that we’ve experienced in life causes us to create a protective wall—and this can be very difficult to penetrate. My best friend never gave up trying, and she jokes that it took her years to become my friend. That being said—she is also the girl that tried out for high school cheerleader four years in a row until she finally made second alternate her senior year; eventually getting to cheer in one game. Now that’s resilience!

Why are friendships so important in our lives—and why do we form so many of them in the workplace? Well, for one—love and belonging is a basic human need. Friendships satisfy that longing to belong as well as reduces stress, increases happiness, improves overall worth and gives us purpose.

If we spend almost a quarter of our adult lives at work, it seems logical we are going to make some very important connections. These positive connections have a strong impact on overall work satisfaction and productivity. In addition to building stronger teams, employees who develop a personal connection with co-workers feel more secure when sharing new ideas and thoughts—thus allowing for more creativity.

Regardless of the level of friendship or whether it transcends the confines of the workplace, close connections are a necessity to our overall wellbeing. Who better to support and guide you through a crisis or time of change than those experiencing it at the same time? Not only do the connections we develop in the workplace become friends, many times they become like family.

My ride or die is also my mentor, my sister from another mister and the first person I would call in an emergency.

My best friend gave me something that can’t be measured by clarity, carat or cut—she showed me how to be a friend through her loving example. In showing me how to be a friend, I have been able to open myself up to new friendships and connections. It is through her lesson that I was able to form a truly special friendship through another connection I made at work. A connection that has offered me spiritual growth and guidance, along with laughter and joy.

These friendships have lifted me when I could not lift myself. These friendships have encouraged me when I doubted myself. These friendships have covered me in love when my heart has been broken. And these friendships have wiped my tears with their unwavering support during the loss of my Father this week.

Thank you Michelle for being my ride or die. And to Diane, thank you for allowing me the privilege to call you friend.

Now about that body…

This Is Personal- What Role Do You Hold in Your Family?

 

(This was a few years ago- we really need a new one)  Left:  Oldest (Jason), Middles (Jeana and Vern), Baby (Ben)

Are you the first, middle or baby of the family?  Typically, in the hierarchy of families, the oldest child is the leader.  They are the one that experienced all the firsts with their parents.  They are the ones who have 50,000 photos of their first year alone.  They are also the ones who paved the way for their younger siblings to enjoy some freedom—by wearing down their parents with their teenage hijinks.

In my family, I hold a unique place.  I am a middle child, but the only girl of four.  Typical of families of my generation, the girl of the family was the princess and treated as such—mostly by their Daddy.  My Dad was old school and the boys were certainly treated differently.  I wouldn’t say loved any less, but given less outwardly affection for sure.  I was the apple of my Daddy’s eyes and we held a very special bond—and still do.  That being said, his aspirations for me were minimal, whereas his expectations of my brothers were high—particularly when it came to sports. 

My Dad was the Clint Eastwood of Dads.  He was big, strong and when he said jump, you darn better get to stepping or you were quickly placed over his knee.  Well, unless you were me.  I could do little wrong.  But I did not have 100% success rate of pulling a fast one over on my Dad. 

There is a rare story of when my brothers got one over on me when I was 4 or 5 years-old.   I was alone in the car with my two older brothers teasing and poking at them, “Ha, ha, you can’t do anything, Daddy will spank you!”  Little did I know, Daddy was standing by the car and overheard me giving the righteous testimony to my brothers.  As the story goes, my Dad looked right at my brothers and said, “Have at her boys!” 

The other time holds a permanent zip code in my memory.  Not because I failed at pulling a fast one on my Dad, but for the look of disappointment on his face when he realized his Princess was far from perfect—or pure.

I was in high school and asked my Dad if I could stay overnight at my girlfriend’s house.  Spoiler Alert, I wasn’t staying the night with my girlfriend.  The plan would have worked perfectly except my oldest brother came to town for a visit and my Dad wanted me home to see him.  Lesson number one—if you are going to attempt to deceive, ensure all parties have clear Intel on the secret operation. 

When my Dad called my friend asking for me, she told him I wasn’t there.  In her defense, I didn’t include her in the plan and he did wake her up with his call.  Of course she immediately called me and told me that my Dad was looking for me.  Still thinking I had a chance to save the operation, I called him back with an outlandish excuse, oozing of desperation.  “Get home,” was his only response.  I never got grounded, I never got yelled at and I never got lectured—the look was the punishment and it hurt mightily.

Although my crown was tarnished a bit, I was—and still am—my Daddy’s little princess.  But I was also given another title in our family—the leader.

I don’t know exactly when I became bequeathed the top role in the hierarchy of siblings in my family—but apparently that’s the word amongst my brothers. Perhaps it’s because I’m the only girl.  Perhaps it’s because I live(d) closest to my parents.  Perhaps it is because I was with my Mom and Step-Dad (I hate calling him step- but because I’m referencing my Dad, I don’t want to confuse you) the entire time he was fighting cancer and ultimately died.  Perhaps it’s because I didn’t flinch when I volunteered to give my hero a well-deserved send off at his funeral. 

I realize I’m rambling, but I guess this is more for me than for you.  Today is a hard day.  It’s one of those days where finding words to motivate others escapes me.  My heart is elsewhere.  My mind is elsewhere.  It is on my Dad. 

We all attempt to understand our roles in life—both in the workplace and at home.  Some roles we don’t even believe we deserve—like leader of the family.  I am certainly the most sensitive one in the family—the weakest emotionally.  I don’t think I deserve to be the lead.  I don’t even know if I want to be.  But, what I’ve learned about myself is—when no one else steps forward, I will.  Is that a leader?  Maybe.

It is said that you are never given more than you can handle.  I might debate that.  What I can say is that no matter how much you are given, someone is depending on you to handle it.  Today, I’m not handling it well—but I know when the time comes—I will take the lead.  

Let's embrace Mondays, (or Tuesdays), and everyday with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.

Monday Moment Parent's Edition

 

Me and my 17-year old.  Ya, I know.  He looks like he is in his 20's!

"Mason, come here please!”

“Mason!  I know you hear me!”

“Mason, if I have to get up and go in there!”

If you are a parent, you have probably experienced this one-sided exchange with your child at one time or another. 

If you were raised in my generation, the request to “come here” was never followed up with a second request—unless you were asking for a whipping. 

The first time your request is met with a deafening silence and a ghost-like appearance from your child, you have to make a decision on how to proceed.  A decision that has ramifications—if not dealt with properly. 

News Flash:  I didn’t deal with it properly. 

“Mason, get in here right now or I am going to whip your butt,” I yell. 

“Mom, I heard if you spank your kid, you can go to jail,” replies Mason as he saunters into the kitchen.

“Well Mason, challenge accepted.  Let’s find out…” 

Of course I couldn’t bring myself to actually spank him so my threat was left hanging—to not be taken seriously again at another time. 

That goes the same with lectures.  We know we have to give them.  We know our kids will respond just like we did with our parents.  “I know, Mom!”  “You’ve told me 100 times!”  And even though we did exactly what we are telling them NOT to do—as parents, there is some unwritten law that says we have to act like we NEVER did. 

I’ve learned so much from being a parent.  There are a lot of things no one ever told me though, like:

1.      That they start acting like they don’t need you at 2-years old!  “I do it, Mommy! 

2.      That you are not done when they turn 18-years old!

3.      That after they move out, they might boomerang back!

4.      That no matter how old they are, you can’t go to sleep until you know they are safely in bed.

5.      That the love is so deep, that you can actually feel claws growing under your fingernails when you find out little Susie called your cub stupid!  Heads up, apparently it’s not appropriate to call out little Susie when you are a grown adult. 

Every time your child makes a poor choice or a costly mistake, it’s easy to blame yourself.  If I only would have be tougher when they were little. 

Be patient though.  They are listening.  They are watching.  And every once in a while, if you pay close attention—they will demonstrate what you have been teaching them their whole lives. 

I was helping my son on an English assignment the other night where he had to write about a goal he has and how he plans to achieve it.  His essay started off with him explaining that his goal this year is to work on being a better person and that his Mom has been helping him. 

I have been talking to Mason for a while about his negative attitude and bursts of anger.  Testosterone, anyone?  I also was discussing with him the importance of being a good human being and what that entails:  Thinking of others.  Being thoughtful.  Asking if someone needs help. 

I didn’t know if he was listening, but when I read his paper and saw that he wrote it as a goal of his, I realized what I was saying was resonating with him.  This was a win for me.  But it was a bigger win for him.  I told him I was very proud of him. 

Being a parent, during COVID-19, is more challenging than ever.  We are having to be therapist, teacher and parent to our children as we deal with a history-making pandemic.  They need our leadership now more than ever.  They are scared, frustrated and unsure about the world around them.

We must encourage open dialogue with them regularly.  Get a pulse on how they are feeling.  Ask if they have any questions about what is going on in their city, state and the world.  Be aware that they are getting information, but it might not be the correct information.  Try to steer them to facts and information you can back-up.  Kids love to challenge you with what they’ve learned on the Internet or social media. 

It might seem like they don’t care, they may look annoyed, they may seem like they aren’t listening to us, but they are. 

Keep talking.   

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment. 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes Life is Like a River

 

“Wild rivers are earth’s renegades, defying gravity, dancing to their own tunes, resisting the authority of humans, always chipping away and eventually always winning.”- Richard Bands.

During my road trip to Montana, I was able to go on a white water rafting adventure on Still Water River, a tributary of the Yellowstone River.  Still Water is an interesting name, since it was rarely still.  Instead, the rock-bottomed river offered a swift current and rapid white water with frequent drops. 

I find that life can be very similar to white water rafting.  If you think about it, our goal on a rafting adventure is to navigate the river in order to get to a destination.  Can’t the same be said of life? 

During the trek down the river, we encountered unknown obstacles and challenges that we had to navigate to successfully make it to our final destination without capsizing.  Same can be said about life.

There is thrill and fear that gets your adrenaline pumping when your raft encounters turbulent water.  And glee and cheers when your team successfully paddles through the strong current.  Life too can be thrilling and scary when we try something new, try something outside our comfort zone or try something we could fail at.   But, it is also full of growth and wisdom when we make it successfully through a challenge in life.

The direction of a river can change at times because of it being blocked by obstacles.   But, the river will always seek another path, bypassing the obstacles with patience and persistence.  The river always wins because it has a clear purpose—although not always a clear path. 

This is where we humans sometimes falter.  Without a clear purpose, there is no destination.   You must have purpose and direction in your life or you are just like a raft rowing while stuck on a rock.  You will go nowhere.  Instead, if you know what your purpose is and where you want to end up, you will be better equipped to navigate and clear any obstacles or challenges in your path in order to reach your destination.   

As we go through this mysterious journey of life, there are many unknowns.  We can’t always anticipate what obstacles or challenges that may come our way.  Unlike the river—we won’t always win.  There will be times when the path to take isn’t clear.  There will be times we capsize.  We can get back on the raft and start rowing until we find the right path or we can stop, give in to defeat and tread in still waters. 

I want to live my life like wild water—clearing my own path while chipping away at self-doubt in order to reach my highest potential. 

Life is hard.  But in the end—what a wild ride!

Le'ts embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.

Sometimes Running Gets You Nowhere

“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”  

I’ve always been a runner.  It started in high school when I would jog laps upon laps around the high school track to watch my high school boyfriend practice kicking footballs.  

I loved how I could control my breathing until I was almost in a relaxed state.  I could run for long distances and would hardly get out of breath.  I would feel pain in my feet, legs and knees long before I would feel any burning in my lungs.

Not one for organized sports, I never ran for track or cross country competitively.  Instead, it became a coping mechanisms for my undiagnosed teenage anxiety and depression.   When I was sad or depressed, I would throw on my running shoes and head out to an undetermined destination.  Tears clouding my vision, I would run faster and longer until the sadness dried up and I reached that relaxed state where I had control again.

I’ve always been a runner.  I learned quickly that you can run from lots of things without even having to put foot to pavement.  Instead of dealing with problems or issues, I would run from them.  I would be committed without truly being committed.  I would let people feel like they were close, without letting them really get close.  There always needed to be just enough space in my heart and life—in order to run.

I used to envision myself as a black stallion being freed into the wild—running through an open field with my thick mane blowing in the wind.  I loved the feeling of complete freedom.  

I guess because I was always a perfectionist and very controlled with everything I did, having a part of me that could throw caution to the wind on occasion was very liberating.  

The problem with running for many years is that it catches up with you.  You begin to feel pain in your joints, your knees and your feet.  Instead of concentrating on your breathing that got you into “the zone,” you begin to concentrate on the pain riddling throughout your body.  

Same thing happens when you try to run from life.  Avoiding problems, feelings and conflicts will eventually catch up with you.   What I’ve realized as I’ve matured is that we run because we are afraid of getting hurt, or being judged—or being abandoned.  Instead we self-prophesize a negative ending and avoid it at all costs.    What I’ve also realized is that by avoiding the possibility of pain and disappointment, you are preventing yourself from experiencing true joy and success.  

So, how do you run the day while keeping your feet firmly grounded?  The following are a few tips:

1. Let go of control.  I know!  I don’t want to either!  But, the reality is, true freedom (like the black stallion) only comes when we open ourselves up and allow it in.  We have ultimate control over our attitude and how we react to things, but we don’t have control over everything.  The sooner we learn how to cope with things that we don’t have control over (COVID-19 anyone?), the better equipped we are to handle, and even benefit from, life’s many mysteries.

2. Be vulnerable.  I literally almost threw up in my mouth on that one.  Yuck!  Okay, let’s take a deep breath.  We can do this together.  It’s hard to be vulnerable and risk the rejection and pain associated with it.  Trust me, I know.  But, what if you open yourself up to the possibility of rejection, whether it be with love, a career opportunity or passion you have for writing (so says me) and you find your soul mate, dream job or opportunity for success in something you always wanted to do?  Seems like a chance worth taking, wouldn’t you agree?

3. Practice acceptance.  Boy, that’s a hard one too!  Why can’t this be easy?  We run from things because sometimes we don’t want to accept the truth.  It’s easier to avoid the question than to accept the answer (I just thought that up.  I bet someone already beat me to it! Dang it!)  Sometimes, we have to let go of things we can’t have, don’t need or don’t move us forward.  By practicing acceptance, we are able to put all our energy into people and things that give back as much as we put in.

4. Stay still.  I can’t even stay still while driving across country on my road trip vacation.  I sang, I danced to music, I watched tik tok videos, I read my kindle and I asked dumb questions—like “are we there yet?”  Quieting our bodies and minds is necessary to finding peace and joy.  If we are always running, always moving and always thinking, there is a good chance that something wonderful will pass right by us without us even noticing.  By staying still, you are able to appreciate what you have and see the world at a stroll—instead of a roll.   Get it?  Slow your roll?  Okay, I’m only entertaining myself at this point.

How to Create the Life You've Always Wanted

Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”-  George Bernard Shaw

Have you ever heard people say, “I need to find myself?” 

I think I’ve made this statement a time or two.  Usually when I was feeling particularly lost or unsure of myself.   

What does “finding yourself” even mean? Aren’t you “you” at any given time?   Is finding yourself similar to being on a scavenger hunt, but instead of collecting items, you are collecting life experiences?    Is the prize and end goal to find the real you? 

Life isn’t about finding the finished you, it’s about creating and growing the best you every day.  Stating the need to “find yourself” is like going on a journey you have no control over. 

But you do have control.  You have the ability to create, grow and change yourself daily.  In fact, we are the only thing we truly have control over. 

So, now that you realize you are not going to find the golden ticket to the real you—what do you do?  Let’s start by defining what you want to be. 

Remember when you were a little kid and you were asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  It was always something cool like professional baseball player, ballerina, veterinarian, or in my little brother’s case—rock star.  It never crossed our minds that we couldn’t be any of these professions, it’s just that perhaps our interests changed as we grew older. 

Through our experiences in life we are able to eliminate things that we don’t like and begin to create a life that we want.  Along the way though, we might experience failures, tragedy, heartache and other disappointments that makes us question who we are and what we are doing.  That doubt and uncertainty in ourselves will often create this need for clarity in who we are and what we want, thus the need to “find oneself.”

And sometimes on this quest to find oneself, we will take a detour on the highway to hell and find that the self we were looking for—we don’t like so much.  

This is where emotional maturity comes in.  Those who are not emotionally mature with not take accountability for their actions or will blame others for their wrong turn.  An emotionally mature person will realize their mistakes and use them as lessons for identifying what they don’t want to do or who they don’t want to be.

Who you want to be will change, just like what you wanted to be when you grew up changed.  That is why finding yourself is an impossible task.  Instead, create the person you want to be by concentrating on the things you are passionate about—the things that bring you joy.   

Tips:

1. Don’t be afraid to try out new things—even if it is outside of your comfort zone.  

2. Don’t follow someone else’s path when pursuing interests. 

3. Never stop learning through educational, professional and personal pursuits.

4. Be open to new challenges, experiences and ideas.

5. Surround yourself with people who inspire and encourage you.

6. Be still at times so that you can reflect on where you’ve been and where you want to go.

On your journey of discovery know that you have control over your destiny.  You have the opportunity to create the life you want, but it will take hard work.  It is never too late to get started because there is no expiration date on this journey of becoming the person you would be proud to state is—the real me.   

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday —for a moment. 

Don't Close Your Book Early- Learning How to Cope

"Embrace uncertainty.  Some of the most beautiful chapters in our lives won't have a title until much later."- Unknown

If you ever believed you had complete control over everything in your life, recent events have proved otherwise.  How many times have we been told that we do not have control over anything except for how we react to it?  Well, I’m a believer now! 

COVID-19 is like a riddle without an answer.  We keep trying to make sense of it, but can’t quite figure it out.  Will this ever end?  When will we go back to normal?  Will we ever be normal again?

Living with the uncertainty and fear is a part of life, but the recent pandemic has taken it to a new level.  It has stripped many of us of our sense of safety, security and hope.   It certainly has me. 

After several months of boredom and stress eating—and drinking, all I have to show for it is a 10-pound weight gain and a bunch of cute summer clothes that I can’t fit into and wouldn’t have anywhere to wear them to if I could.  Wow, that was a mouth full.  See, I can’t even talk without filling my mouth!

Any who, my regular go to coping mechanisms to deal with my anxiety and depression have lost some of their mojo.  Bouncing back from the ups and downs of our current “new normal” has become increasingly difficult for me—as I’m sure it has been for many of you—and I’ve had to incorporate some new ways to cope, such as:

Take Bite-Sized Portions.  And I’m not talking about food.  Although that certainly wouldn’t hurt!  Cutting down my worrying and wondering to a 24-hour period of time has made dealing with the uncertainty more manageable.  If I have a good day, it’s a win.  If I have an especially difficult day, there is always tomorrow.  Worrying and stressing about the unknown or things you can’t control is not only a time-waster, but a waist-expander.  See how I did that?   Laughing at myself is another way I cope.

Find Inspiration.  I have been reading more self-help books about self-care, self-esteem and self-awareness.  I’m a huge believer is self-healing and taking responsibility for your own growth.  If you don’t love to read, you can gather motivation and inspiration from others who share their insight on blogs, websites, YouTube Channels and other social media platforms. 

Tik Tok has been my addiction during these past quarantine months.  You can follow life coaches, therapists, or just regular Joe’s who want to share their journey with you in short 60-second spots.  I save my favorites and watch them again when I need that little jolt of motivation. 

One I came across the other day when I was having a rough day really touched me.  It was a lady who was giving the message to not give up.  She was recognizing the pain, despair and suffering of those on the channel who were posting messages of just wanting to give up on life.  She said, sometimes we close our book too early.  We don’t finish reading the book that was already written for us.  She reminds us that no matter how hard things are—those difficulties are part of our testimony, part of our story.  “Keep your book open,” she says.  “You have more story to tell.”  Words to live by.

Change Your Scenery.   I realize we are in isolation and our scope of people we can be around and places we can go are limited.  But, if you are feeling down, drag yourself from that spot and move close to a window that has sun shining through it, sit outside under a tree or jump in your car and go for a ride.  I love to turn on the radio, have my dog on my lap and drive to the coast to see my mom.  I use that time to think, reflect and do positive self-talk.

Do Something New.   Find something new to do like a new hobby or a house project.  Other than writing, reading and exercising, I don’t have a lot of hobbies or activities to do at home.  And cleaning is NOT a hobby.   Instead, I started going through my closets and to my utter shock, I found that someone has a shopping addiction and has been cramming my closets and drawers full of clothes, purses, shoes, hats and accessories.   In order to allow them to continue, I’ve pulled anything that is too small (pretty much everything) or that I no longer wear and will be posting for sale online.  I’ve already sold several pieces.  It gives me something to occupy my mind and I get to make some money at the same time.

However you are dealing with the uncertainty of our current world, just know you are not alone.  There are millions of people who feel exactly like you do and may even be suffering with additional pre-COVID-19 stressors and health conditions. 

For those of you struggling, don’t give up.  Remember:  Don’t close your book too early.  You have more story to live and more story to tell. 

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday —for a moment. 

A Monday Moment- "Remember When You Wanted What You Currently Have?"

“Remember when you wanted what you currently have?” - Unknown

I remember when I was young, I would always add the ½ to my age.  Instead of saying I was 15, I would say I was 15 ½.  Adding that ½, in my mind, got me just that much closer to be able to date and drive.   I was always looking toward the next life milestone and once I got there, I was on to the next.

I realized this was a pattern that I would follow into adulthood.  Of course I quit adding the ½ to my age years ago—for obvious reasons.  But the habit of planning my next goal while in the midst of meeting the previous one continued.

Restless, bored and in need of constant movement, I never stopped long enough to enjoy what I earned or achieved.  It was, “What’s Next?”

On paper it seems impressive. I checked off each milestone or goal according to the plan that I created in my mind, but allowed little time to celebrate or be in the moment.   Some would say I was determined, but the reality is—I feared being still.

We live in a society of keep up, or be left behind.  How can we know how to be still when we live in a world that demands instant gratification, quick response and access to the next best thing as soon as we got the last best thing?

The reality is that most of us are incapable of being still without distractions.

I did a little experiment the other day to test this theory.  I purposely left my cell phone at home while I ran down to the neighborhood grocery store.  After I completed my socially distant shopping, I got into line behind two other shoppers at the check-out counter.  It took me about 15 seconds before I started to rummage through my purse looking for my purposely left behind cell phone.

Am I alone in this?

I was thirty-six years old when I got my first cell phone and I can’t stand in line for 10 minutes without reaching for it?  I might have even started to twitch a little…

COVID-19 and its shelter-in-place mandate forced all of us to slow down and be still at times.  This has been incredibly difficult for a society that is fast-pace driven.  In fact, depression and anxiety has skyrocketed since the pandemic.

So, why is it Important to be still?

It’s important because it allows us time to be quiet in our thoughts and in our bodies.  That quiet connects us to what is underneath all that busy work and helps us to identify stressors in our lives or reflect on our accomplishments.   It allows us to experience peace.

The why is simple—the how is what is going to take a little more mindfulness.  How do we slow our minds down and experience living in the moment when everything around us is turned up?

Take Baby Steps- It’s hard to make a hard break, so take it slow.   Everyone can carve out five minutes a day to sit alone in a quiet space without any distractions, right?  This will be hard for me as well. Sitting still for me usually involves watching television while I fold clothes.  But, I’m going to give it a try. It also doesn’t mean you have to pull out any yoga moves or Om chanting.  It just means being still in a place with no distractions.

Okay, I carve out five minutes to be still. Then what?

Be Still with Intention- Pay attention to what is happening around you.  Visualize your life in that moment and also the lives of those around you.  Paint the picture in your mind of what is happening now.  Not yesterday.  Not tomorrow.  Now.  By paying attention and acknowledging the present, you are able to uncover the good and the bad of what you might be unintentionally or purposefully avoiding.  This allows you to experience the joy-filled moments that you might have overlooked.  At the same time, it may allow you to deal with some issues you’ve tried to avoid.

Let’s take back control of our mind.  Let’s use it to contemplate, listen and observe what’s inside our hearts.  Let’s use it to connect with the essence of who we really are and allow for us to savor those triumphed moments and moments of peace.

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday —for a moment. 

How To Be a Knock-Out When Life Tries to Set You Back

 

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”- Charles R. Swindoll

Have you ever felt like you won the fight only to be knocked down again?  The glory can feel so fleeting.  It’s as if the universe doesn’t want you to get too comfortable with the win. 

For some, they take hit after hit and still get fists up ready to go at it again.  But for others, the continuous hits drop them to their knees where they can’t seem to steady themselves enough to get back on their feet. 

I would be the latter. . .

They feel invincible:  How California’s coronavirus plan went wrong- The Guardian

How did we get here?  California struggling to stay on top of pandemic- San Francisco Chronicle

‘We opened the floodgate’:  Doctor explains why California COVID-19 cases keep going up- ABC 7

These are just a few of the recent headlines touting the recent surge in COVID-19 cases in California after reopening efforts. 

It’s as if we were celebrating the knock out—turning our heads just for a moment to enjoy the crowd’s cheer—when our opponent suddenly jumps to his feet for another round. 

Just when a semblance of normalcy appears and you begin to celebrate life as you once remember—eating at your favorite restaurants on date night, getting a much needed pedicure and planning a surprise birthday party for your best friend—the universe says, “Not so fast!”

How you handle setbacks—like California scaling back its reopening efforts—has a lot to do with your adaptability, coping mechanisms and ability to roll with the punches.   

I wish that I could proudly state that I hold various world champion titles in the art of handling life’s disappointments —but that would be a lie. 

My go-to response to most things that don’t go my way is similar to a small child being told, “No.”   I typically respond first—think later.  Responses vary from flat out denial, anger and refusal—to pouting, complaining and feeling sorry for myself.  Laila Ali, I am not. 

Seeing the glimmer of hope that things were getting better—only to have it stripped away—could cause even the greatest of fighters to thrown in the towel.  

I typically need a long warm up before I jump in the ring again.  I need to stretch my emotions, condition my responses and work out any negative self-talk before I tackle unwanted setbacks.  But I always jump back in.  Always.

Developing coping mechanisms to deal with my depression and anxiety has been a life-long journey of acknowledgment, discovery, patience and forgiveness.  I realized long ago that lying to myself and others about my struggles doesn’t make me a winner.  Championing for others—and myself, does. 

We all deal with setbacks in our lives—the COVID-19 setback in California’s efforts to reopen is just one of many.  Some people deal with setbacks like born champs—going for the KO.   Others—like myself—duck and weave to stay out of harm’s way until we can get our footing. 

The following are a few tips to get you in fighting shape to square off to life’s challenges:

1.     Don’t Beat Yourself Up- This is something I am working daily on.  When I experience a challenge, disappointment or setback, I typically let it affect my self-esteem and self-worth.  Negative self-talk is on autopilot and I have to work extremely hard to beat down the voice in my head that says, “You are not good enough.” Or, “You can’t handle this.”  This takes a lot of practice.  It’s not easy to flip the switch to life-long negative conditioning, but you can do it!  Surrounding yourself with encouraging people who are positive and supportive is key to giving you that little push you need to start being kind to yourself after a setback.

2.     Accept the Pain- The worst thing you can do when dealing with a setback or challenge is avoid it or deny it.  Acknowledging that in life you will experience disappointments will offer you the ability to plan accordingly.  Have a strong foundation and support system that you can lean on with life throws you a right hook.

3.      Focus on What You Can Control- You can play a part in getting things back to normal by controlling how you behave.  You have zero control over anything but yourself.  Concentrate on how you can make a change in your life and learn from any setbacks that come your way.  Be a part of the solution, not the problem.  Example:  If we are struggling with reopening because people are not adhering to social distancing and wearing masks; you concentrate on how you can influence others to adhere to safety guidelines.  If each of us does our part, we will get one step closer to getting back to normal.

4.      Don’t Give Up- No matter how dire things are in your life, I’m here to tell you someone has it worst.  Two of the strongest people I have ever met went through hardships I would never want to imagine.  One fought cancer.  He ultimately lost, but never gave up hope and never stopped fighting.  The other lost back-to-back loved ones.  She is resilient.  She is a leader.  She never gives up.  She is my best friend.   Learn from others and gain strength knowing that if they can fight, so can you.

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday —for a moment. 

A Monday Moment - You Are Strong! You Have Control Over What Motivates You

"No one can motivate you to do anything.  You motivate yourself based on information you receive and how directly you can relate it to your own potential achievement."

If you ever suffered from depression, finding the motivation, purpose or drive to get out of bed—let alone have a productive day—can seem impossible at times.  For others, the daily ritual of starting the work day can run a gamut of emotions; from anticipation and excitement to apprehension and dread.   Add fear, unemployment, school closures, isolation, protests, riots and the daily grind of life to the mix, finding motivation to do anything can feel impossible.

Have you ever asked yourself, “What motivates me to give my very best each day?”  Is it money?  Is it appreciation?  Is it the people you work with?  Is it the customers you serve or service to others?  Is it the feeling of accomplishment?  We all are motivated by one or a combination of reasons that stimulates the reward chemical in our brain that pushes us to act.     

Many of you may have heard of the book, The 5 Love Languages written by Gary Chapman.  It’s a relationship book about learning how to communicate with your partner in a way that makes them feel loved.  Chapman lists five different love languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch.  According to Chapman, the key to a successful relationship is the ability to identify and express the love language that best meets the needs and expectations of your partner.   

So, let’s go back to the question I started with, “What motivates you to give your very best each day?”  Does your answer include any of the love languages? (Let’s go ahead and leave out physical touch for obvious reasons).  The expression of love that we respond best to from a partner can be very similar to what motivates us to give our best each day in other aspect of our life, including work.

For example, my primary love language is words of affirmation; meaning that I am motivated by praise, acknowledgement, recognition and words of encouragement.  I’m not too proud to admit it.  I’m needy.  I also feel motivated through motivating others.  Nothing has made me wake up more excited about coming to work than knowing that I have the opportunity to serve and motivate YOU.  Being able to identify my love language allows me the opportunity to communicate my needs to others and also be an active participant in creating rewarding work. 

We usually don’t think of motivation as our responsibility to create.  We typically assume it comes from an external place that we have no control over.  It’s just not true.   The following are a few examples of the different love languages and how you can take control of your own motivation:

1.     Words of Affirmation- If you need words of encouragement, feedback, praise and acknowledgement— then hand them out yourself.   The more you spread positivity and take the time to praise others, the more likely that people will do the same for you when the time comes.  Ask your supervisor if you can add a “shout out” agenda item to every staff meeting.  Be the voice that changes the corporate culture.  When someone does something great, tell them.  Better yet, tell their supervisor.  

2.    Quality Time- To feel motivated, you may need additional direction, coaching and bonding time with your supervisor.  Take the initiative and ask your supervisor if you can have regular face time. They don’t know what you need until you tell them.  Or perhaps you work better in a team and get motivated by regular brainstorming sessions.  Ask your supervisor if you can lead weekly or monthly team-building, idea sharing or getting-to-know you activities with your co-workers.

3.     Acts of Service- If serving customers or others is what motivates you, make sure you apply for organizations whose Mission it is to serve and/or job positions where you get to directly serve customers.  Often times, people will promote or take a position for the pay and quickly realize it’s the wrong fit and their motivation and performance suffers.  Volunteer for company committees or organize and lead a company-wide volunteer day.   

4.     Receiving Gifts- Monetary reimbursement might be what motivates you and/or makes you feel appreciated.  To some, compensation equals appreciation, accomplishment and success.  It could also mean you feel appreciated through incentives, recognition awards, appreciation gifts or bonuses.  If this is your love language, one way to create motivation for yourself would be to communicate with your supervisor your interest in promoting.  You must take an active approach.  Don’t assume leaders know your ambitions.  Also, volunteer for committees, attend leadership training and ask for a mentor in the position you have your eye on. 

I’m going to challenge you today to find what truly motivates you and take control and ownership over getting that need met.  Ultimately, we only have control over our emotions, actions, dreams and passion.  I've been guilty my entire life of relying on others to make me happy, feel loved and feel good enough.  No one will be more motivated to do good by you than— YOU.

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday, with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday —for a moment.