Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

 

      (Packing up my office- Last day is June 3)

‘Sweet, so would I

Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.

Good night, good night!  Parting is such sweet sorrow.’  

(Act 2, Scene 2) Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet

The above scene, from William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, is arguably one of the most famous in American literature.   Juliet uttered the most recognized line, ‘Parting is such sweet sorrow’ to her star-crossed lover, Romeo as they said good night. 

What makes that specific line so fascinating is that ‘sweet sorrow’ is an oxymoron.  How can something be both sweet and sorrowful?  In the context of this scene, Juliet is expressing the feeling of sorrow at their parting, but the anticipation of reuniting the next day is so joyful, it is worth the pain of separation.

I think this feeling of ‘sweet sorrow’ translates beautifully in many experiences we have throughout our personal and professional lives.  In our personal lives it could be a time when you had to say goodbye to something or someone important to you. Perhaps it was a loved one who passed away or a child who left for college.  The sorrow might be that a period of time (childhood) or a relationship has ended (death), but the sweetness is the memories that will forever be cherished and revisited. 

Professionally, ‘sweet sorrow’ could represent moving to a new position within an organization—or even to a new organization entirely.  The sorrow is maybe leaving co-workers, a boss—and even the job itself.   The sweetness could be the anticipation of learning new skills, meeting new people and being exposed to new challenges and experiences. 

Change is movement.  Change is evolution.  Change is growth.  Without change—and perhaps sorrow to some degree—would the pleasure be as sweet?    

‘Sweet sorrow,’ is the perfect term to define how I am feeling after accepting an exciting opportunity at a new employer and resigning from my position as Human Resources & Communications Director for Proteus, Inc. after 26 years of service.  There is sorrow in leaving my team, coworkers, supervisor and the organization as a whole.  On the flip side, I am filled with excitement, curiosity, and anticipation of learning new skills, sharing my knowledge and challenging my inner voice that has previously held me back from trying new things. 

I’m venturing into unknown territory and with that comes fear and uncertainty.   There is no guarantee that the reward will be sweet, but without tying, how would one know?  Change is scary.  I’m the first to admit it.  But if you are not growing, it’s time for a change. 

If you are experiencing either of the two following career killers, it might be time for a change:

1.  Exhibiting Complacency- If you have become unmotivated or dread coming to work, it might be time for a change.  Change doesn’t mean leaving the organization or job you love.  It may mean applying for a different position within the organization or asking your supervisor for additional duties.  Nothing impresses a supervisor more than initiative!  It may mean volunteering on a committee or asking to support your team on a special project.  If you are complacent, not only are you failing yourself, you are failing the organization.  (Thee needeth to moveth)

2.  Lacking Growth- It might be time for a change if you are not growing professionally.  That could mean that you have reached the height of your opportunities within an organization.  It may mean that you are not learning new skills or being challenged based on your knowledge and expertise.  

If you feel that you are not growing, ask for additional training, research certifications or enhance your knowledge through educational opportunities offered through your organization or on your own.  You may also join a professional group or volunteer on a local board where you can make contacts and access resources to better your career.  Last, read, read, read!  If you are not taking advantage of the thousands of personal and professional books available, you are missing out on  broadening your imagination, improving your verbal and written communication, and developing your emotional intelligence and ability to self-reflect.  (Thee needeth to groweth)

The great thing about both of these career killers is that YOU have control over the outcome.   YOU write the story of your personal and professional journey.  And YOU decide if it will read like a Shakespearian tragedy.   

‘Good night, good night!  Parting is such sweet sorrow.’   To my Proteus family, this is not good night or good bye, but a joyful farewell. 

 

 

 

Happy Mother's Day- Good Moms Let You Lick the Beaters

“Ma… Mommy… Mum… Mother… Madre…,” my son rattles off—just in case I forgot my lot in life.  

“Yes, Master Mason, what can I have the pleasure of doing for you today?” I momcastically respond.

“Do you know where my keys are?” he asks.  

I state the obvious, “Did you look?”

“Ya, but you can find anything,” he states.  “Can you just help me?”  

After asking him where he last saw them and backtracking his steps, his keys were found within minutes in his discarded jeans from the night before.

“See mom, you can find anything!” he smiles as he grabs his keys and saunters away.

I stand there for a moment with hands on my hips—like us moms like to do—in silent recognition that I was duped again by the child I chose to give life to.

In celebration of Mother’s Day, I’d like to dedicate this article to all the moms out there “who can find anything!” 

When we think of moms, we think of nurturer, supporter, caretaker, housecleaner, cook, nurse, and referee—among many other job titles.  According to U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (2021), in addition to at-home roles, approximately 75.5% of mothers with children older than six are employed in the workforce. 

“I’m off to my other job,” is a regular salutation I give as I leave the office to describe my role as mother and wife.  Rarely is my lunch hour spent leisurely enjoying a sandwich at Papa Johns.  Instead, the time is spent running errands, picking up groceries and sometimes even rushing home to do laundry to ease up my nightly chores.  And I don’t even have young ones anymore!  I shudder to think how I managed doctor’s appointments, teacher’s conferences, sick days and all the other responsibilities that came with having younger children.  But I did it, and I see my amazing coworkers doing it as well.

Although the traditional roles of ma and pa are changing, there is still a large enough gap that I sometimes fantasize about giving a slight push kick to pa’s backside to even things out.  Unfortunately, it is still mostly (not all) women who are having to choose between career and family.  You can certainly have both, but there will be sacrifices.  The goal is to even things out and give yourself a break when things aren’t “perfect.”

It’s kind of like when you had your first child.  You might have ironed all of his/her baby clothes, perhaps you made his/her own organic baby food, or sprayed down all of his/her toys—and please don’t even mention allowing food that fell on the ground from entering your child’s mouth! 

Then you have your second child.  You are lucky to get yourself dressed let alone them, bath time consists of stripping them down and handing them to dad while he showers—and fallen food?   It’s better than no food!  Same goes for working moms.  One can be perfect—mom or career.  But both—we just do the very best we can do. 

I won’t dare give you mom tips or tips on how to juggle career and family.  There is no one fits all.  I’ve learned that no matter what you do as a mom, it won’t be given the acknowledgement and recognition it deserves.  It truly is a thankless job at times.  But the moment you see your children, who you thought were not listening to your lectures on manners, morals, forgiveness, kindness, etc. demonstrate what you taught them—you will know you’ve done your job.     

And you know what part is worth waiting for?  Payback.  The following are some of the things my mom said to me that has now happened to me:

1)  Just wait until you have children!

2)  I can’t wait until you have children!

4)  You think I’m a mean mom?  Wait until you have children!

5)  I worry too much?  Wait until you have children!

And my favorite, “I told you so!”  Yes you did mom!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you momma bears out there who protect and love their cubs every day!  A special shout out to my mom and best friend.  Thank you for always being there for me in my darkest days and in my brightest. 

About Face: What Your Expressions May or May Not Be Saying About You

 

(Left:  RBF,  Right, Neutral)

“Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.”- Janet Lane

If you have ever seen Kristen Stewart from the Twilight franchise on the red carpet or in an interview, she has an expression on her face that lacks much movement or change.   If her expression could speak it would say, “I’d rather be anywhere in the world than right here with you!” It ranges from a look of unnerving disinterest to a look of utter annoyance.    

In 2013, a meme took over the Internet giving the expression, or lack thereof, a name—Resting *itch Face (RBF).   An unflattering description that is usually (unfairly) assigned to women, RBF can be off-putting particularly when it comes to first impressions.   

Many inflicted with RBF complain that they are being wrongly judged and in most cases that is in fact true.  But regardless of intent, RBF makes others feel as if they are the ones being judged.   RBF is different from a purposeful frown, scowl, or eye roll because it has no purpose, it’s at rest.  If RBF was to have a twin, it would be the monotone voice due to its lack of variation and presentation void of emotion.  So how do you know if you are inflicted with RBF?   

In my very best Jeff Foxworthy, the following is a list of RBF signs you need to be aware of:

1.  If you are constantly being asked if you are okay or if you are mad about something, you may have RBF. 

2.  If people seem uncomfortable about approaching you, you may have RBF.

3.  If when you try to be funny and it’s received with a “Are you being serious?” you may have RBF.

4.  If you are constantly told, “You should smile,” you may have RBF.

5.  If you are told, “I thought you hated me when we first met,” you may have RBF.

6.  If you constantly win playing cards due to your “poker face,” you may have RBF.

Individuals with RBF are often frowned upon by management (get it, frowned upon?) and iced out (ya, I can’t help myself, it’s a gift) by coworkers.  They can be deemed unfriendly, aloof and even cold—which is usually far from the truth.  But as we all know, perception is a powerful thing.  In fact, we make judgements about people based on many outward factors.  Once an opinion is formed, it is difficult to change.   Sadly, RBF can over shadow an otherwise efficient and competent employee.   

Interestingly, many people with RBF either don’t or won’t recognize it, excuse it as being a part of their personality, or know it, but don’t understand the importance of its consequences. 

Anyone own a teen?  If there was a posterchild for RBF, it would be found on a teenager.  My daughter was inflicted with RBF from the age of 12 to around 18.   She would come home and complain that she didn’t understand why girls didn’t like her.  Careful not to ignite a firestorm of “you just DON”T get it mom!” followed by the spin, march and slam of the bedroom door, I suggested perhaps she was coming off as unfriendly and she should smile more.  Guess what happened?  Yep.  “Mom, you DON’T understand!”   Spin…  March…  Slam…   Thankfully after years in customer service, she learned the importance of what her face may be putting out there in the world.

Now that you know what RBF is and you think you may have it, what is the cure?  The following are a few tips:

1.  The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem.  If you answered “yes” to one or more of the RBF signs, you may have RBF.

2.  Ask someone.  I know this may be difficult, but ask someone you believe will be completely honest with you.  If you really want to change, you need to know the truth.

3.  Record yourself during a zoom call or meeting and watch it back.  If you were an outsider, how would you view you?

4.  Be aware.  Are you actively listening?  Are you engaged?  Are you paying attention?  What is your face saying?

5.  Put effort into your expressions.  Even at rest, be mindful of your eyes and mouth.   Smile with your eyes and keep a slight smile on your face?  Lean forward when someone is talking and nod your head at times to show you are listening.  Practice in the mirror if you have to.

Teamwork, communication and customer service all require the ability to be engaged, interested, excited and even joyful at times—even when you may not be.   Putting a concerted effort in your expressions (even while at rest) when meeting people or while attending meetings, conferences or just communicating in general, can improve your interpersonal relationships. 

It’s time to drop the RBF and allow people to see the real you.

 

Laughter IS the Best Medicine and I Can Prove It

 

"There is little success where there is little laughter."- Andrew Carnegie

How many times have you heard the saying, “laughter is the best medicine?”  This is a metaphor used over and over again when describing the benefits of laughter.   But guess what?  It’s true—and science backs it up.  In fact, research shows that laughter releases the brain chemical serotonin (a mood stabilizer often lacking in those of us who suffer from anxiety and depression) and endorphins (the feel-chemical in our brain that responds to pain and stress.)  Laughter increases our heart rate, burns calories, improves our focus and reduces the negative effects that stress has on our body and mind.

I don’t remember when “joking around” became the norm for me.  Believe it or not, I was an incredibly shy young girl.  Raised with all brothers, I did have to develop different types of defense mechanisms and teasing and joking became one of them.  There was something powerful about laughing my way out of situations that made me uncomfortable. 

Laughing relieved my anxiety and stress and would put a protective barrier around my otherwise tender heart.  Teased mercilessly by my older brother, I either needed to fight back with an arsenal of zingers or run to my room crying.   I choose to fight.   I could rouse my brother with the simplest form of reverse psychology.  He would call me names and make fun of prepubescent boy like figure and I would simply agree.  “You are absolutely right, my chest is as flat as an iron board.”  His inability to make me cry would throw him into a fit of blind rage.  Me?  I would laugh uncontrollably until I got in trouble for “teasing” my four-year older brother!    

There is just something bonding about laughing with others over a good joke, a funny movie or a corny pun.  In fact nothing gets me giggling like a bad pun.  You are either pun-loving or not, there is just no in between.  It usually starts off innocently enough.  For example, my daughter texted me the other day, “Mom, the cat peed in my room again!”  I responded, “Well, you better clean it up before I get home or urine trouble!”  I receive a text back, “You are lame, mom.”  I respond, “Far pee it from me to disagree.”  Now if that didn’t make you laugh, then you are missing a punny bone. 

Laughter promotes togetherness and builds relationships.  Laughter breaks down barriers, and like a smile, is universally understood across different cultures.  Laughter can uplift an otherwise disengaged and unmotivated workforce.  Laughter can reduce conflict, hostility and resentment among coworkers.  Best of all?  It’s positively contagious!

There is a stereotype about what a professional resembles.  Rarely does funny, witty, silly or self-defecating make the list of admirable characteristics.   Often time, when we think of “being professional,” we think of formal, proper and composed.  In reality, a professional is competent, ethical, a great communicator, reliable, and—presents themselves in a tidy and well-groomed manner.  Now where does it say you can’t be all of those things + funny? 

Speaking of which.  One time, my supervisor asked me to start my training presentation with a joke.  So, I attached my paycheck to the first slide!  No?  Okay, how about this one.  A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.  The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”   Still no?  I guess I’m going to have to pull out the oldie but goodie, a knock knock joke!   Knock Knock.  Who’s there?  A little old lady.  A little old lady who?  I had no idea you could yodel!  

Regardless of your humor track, having a little fun and laughing in the workplace has its benefits.  Research shows that a happy workforce is a more productive workforce.   Sparing time each day to connect and be a little silly is known to increase focus and motivation.  Laughing in a group encourages creativity and thinking outside the “formal” box.   It can also built trust, comfort and comradery among teams.

Now that we know the many benefits, how can you implement more laughter in the workplace?

1.  Allow it- I know that seems obvious, but some supervisors think if you are laughing you are not being productive.  The opposite is true.  An engaged and happy staff is more productive.  Allot a reasonable amount of time to bond or schedule some time each week to do a fun activity, share an embarrassing (but hilarious) story, share or tell appropriate jokes, etc.

2.  Loosen up- Leaders need to be approachable.  Poking fun at your weaknesses or sharing a funny story about an experience can make you more relatable to staff and build trust with your team.

3.  Create a Laughter Committee- If you have some office clowns, have them create a committee and come up with fun and creative ways to bring laughter and joy into the workplace.  The best ideas come from those who like to laugh.

As fun as funny is, always be mindful of your audience.  I've learned that not everyone thinks I'm as adorable as I think I am.  Be sure to keep your jokes and humor appropriate for the workplace and always stay away from humor, teasing or joking that would be in violation of your organization's policies.

I will end this article with a couple of my favorite stories that are not flattering to me, but when I share them, continues to make me laugh and others laugh as well.

1. When I was 30-years old, I was walking by a restaurant and this young man said to his friend, “Ya, she’s hot for being two days past the expiration date.”  At the time I was completely insulted.  The 52-year old me only concentrates on the first part of his comment!

2.  When my son was around Junior High age, he looked at me one day and said, “Mom, you are really starting to look like Grandma.”  “Oh, ya, how so? I ask.”  He responds, “You both have parentheses around your mouths.”    He was referring to wrinkles! 

Now, if you don't think THAT is funny... 

 

 

 

    

If It Doesn't Fit-- You Must Acquit (and let it go)

 

Why do we hold on to people, places and things that limit our growth?  From relationships that no longer serve us, to guilt for things we can’t change, to grudges whose cause have long been forgotten, we fail to “let it go.”

It’s time to clean house!  And we are going to start by unloading all the unnecessary baggage we hold on to that clutters our thinking and our lives. 

A couple of weeks ago I had a yard sale.  I decided to finally purge my closet of all the clothes that were in the “one day I will fit back into them” category.   This was an incredibly difficult process for me.  In my distorted thinking, letting go of these too small items was like saying to myself, “I give up!”  The reality is, if—and it’s a hefty if—I ever get down to my early 2000s weight, I can buy new clothes!  And no, I am not skirting (get it?) over the fact that twenty-year-old items hung in infamy in my closet.  In my defense, I’ve been alive enough decades to know that everything comes back into style at some point.

So, why do we hold on to things that not only limit our growth, but no longer fit?   Because letting go equals change.  And change is scary.  For example, my niece went through her toys that she no longer played with or outgrew and included them in the yard sale.  At first, she was excited about the potential earnings she would make that would allow her to purchase new and improved toys.  As the day rolled on, I noticed a stockpile of her old toys were back in the garage.   

When we let go of things—even when they no longer fit; or, we no longer play with them; or, they no longer serve us -- we are letting go of a time that no longer is and a piece of us that no longer will be.    The uncertainty of it all can be paralyzing.   Instead of stepping into the abyss of the unknown, we curl up in the comfort of familiarity.  In my niece’s case, letting go of the old toys would equal accepting the reality that she is growing up.

Author John C. Maxwell once said, “Change is inevitable.  Growth is optional.”   You can NOT control change.  It is going to happen regardless of how hard you try to hold on.  What you do have control over is how you approach change. 

The following are a few tips on how you can let go of people, places and things that limit your growth:

1.  Acceptance- Repeat each day, “Change is inevitable.  Growth is optional.”  Acceptance is the first step on your journey of growth.

2.  Change your Mindset- Once you accept the fact the change is inevitable, you can begin to seek and embrace the benefits that come from letting go.  Opportunities present themselves to us every day; unfortunately, fear prevents us from seeing what is often right in front of us. 

3. Set Yourself FREE- Work on your self-worth.  Throughout my life, I’ve struggled with positive body image and perfectionism.  Letting go of my “skinny” clothes that no longer fit was a step forward in letting go of the unrealistic and unattainable 20-year-old me and embracing the healthier, stronger and happier 50-year-old me.  Once you accept and believe you are worthy and good enough, the people, places and things that are weighing you down will be much easier to rid of.

I want to challenge you to start your spring cleaning today.   List all the areas of your life that are no longer benefiting you, accept that you no longer need it in your life and open yourself to all the opportunities for growth that awaits you.

New Year's Resolutions Got Me Wondering . . .

 

As 2021 comes to a close, it’s a time when many people make New Year’s Resolutions.  I will lose that 10 pounds I put on during COVID.  I will give up alcohol, sugar and/or caffeine.   I will start a workout routine and get in shape.  

(In my best Carrie Bradshaw voice)  “I wondered, has New Year’s Resolutions become more about the tradition, than the intention? Why is it that we wait an entire year to verbalize goals?  Are we simply giving up control of our own destination and making goal-setting a cliché?”  

The good news is, people want to make positive changes, right?  The bad news is, statistics show most fail within a couple weeks of making their New Year’s Resolution(s).    The reality is, setting New Year’s Resolutions resembles more of a gesture or statement for change rather than an impetus to change.  

Have you ever heard the following quote?  “You are presented two choices in life.  Evolve or repeat.” I think a more accurate variation of this quote would be, “You are presented with three choices in life.  Evolve, repeat or remain the same.”  Think about it.  How many times have you repeated the same resolution over and over again to only fail every time?   Isn’t the point of a resolution to evolve—to change—to improve?  And yet, most of us remain the same.  

Look, I get it.  We are in a pandemic—a seemingly never-ending pandemic!  Mustering up the motivation needed to set goals that are intentional sounds like work.   But, aren’t you getting sick of being stuck?  We’ve been stuck for almost two years!   

Evolving and changing are action words.  They mean we are improving—we are advancing.   The best part?  We are in control of the trajectory of our own lives.  Sure, the pandemic places roadblocks that we have never had to deal with before.  But, it can’t control our feelings, our actions or our reactions.  It only wins if we allow it to. 

I’ll be honest with you.  I don’t feel like I’ve evolved or moved forward over the past two years.  I could blame it on the pandemic, sure.  The truth is, I allowed an additional excuse to not progress.  If I think about it, I lost two years of potential growth simply by allowing the pandemic to control my movement.  I ate too much.  I drank wine too much.  I felt sorry for myself too much.  And even worse so, I stopped doing one of the things I love to do more than anything—write.  

It’s time to put our big boy and big girl superhero Underoos on and stop making excuses—and flaky resolutions—and get unstuck.  The following are a few tips on how to make intentional goals for 2022 that will actually stick:

1.  Make both short-term and long-term goals.  For example:  The long-term goal could be to get your Bachelor’s Degree.  The short-term goal could be to register for one class this semester. They are connected, right?   Setting the goal to get your Bachelor’s Degree is the end goal, but registering NOW for one class this semester is the action goal.  Action is movement!  

2.  Celebrate each action goal.  Many people fail at reaching their goals because they aren’t specific enough or the benefit takes too long to achieve.    To stay motivated, celebrate each time you reach that short-term goal.   It will encourage you to set the NEXT short-term goal.  More movement!

3.  Write down, post, share your action goal(s).    As a HR Director I often say, if it’s not documented, it didn’t happen.  Well, the same thing can be said about setting and achieving goals.   By writing down your long-term goal(s) and bulleting SMART (specific, measurable, achievable and relevant) short-term action goals will help in holding yourself accountable.  Visit your written goals regularly.  Check off or put a huge smiley face next to each action goal you meet and then move on to the next.  Another option, is to post your goals in your office, on your refrigerator, or in a place that will remind you of it each day.  

• Example:  Each year, the HR Department picks a quote or saying that they want to concentrate on during the year.  We meet and discuss and share our choices and then frame them and place them in the lobby.  Not only can we see them each day, but visitors enjoy reading them when they come to our office.

• Example:  Proteus’s USI Benefits Broker, Emily Santanelli does a “one word” challenge that you set for the New Year.  I’ve done this with her over the past few years and I love it.  Last year my word was “peace.”  My goal was to concentrate on slowing my mind and finding internal peace through set action items.  She even sent me a cute bracelet that says “peace” on it so I can have that reminder with me each day.  

 (In my best Carrie Bradshaw voice)  So there you have it.  While I always loved the tradition of setting New Year’s Resolutions, I couldn’t help but wonder, wouldn’t I have more growth and change if I was more intentional with my goal setting?”

The best tip I can give you?  Just get started.  

Today is the day!  

We All Want and Need a Potty Party

 

"If you don't show appreciation to those that deserve it, they'll learn to stop doing the things you appreciate.” - Unknown

Appreciation. We all want it. 

Appreciation is acknowledgement that what we do, or who we are, brings value to someone or something.  It makes us feel worthy. It makes us feel seen. And it’s often the invisible hand that lifts someone up and inspires them to enrich their lives. It’s truly a wonderful gift to give—and receive.

Appreciation. We all need it. 

You can research any employee satisfaction survey and appreciation is always one of the top reasons employees choose to stay at an organization—and one of the top reasons employees choose to leave. The want—the need—for appreciation, recognition, acknowledgement and praise—starts at a very young age. 

For example, how many of us parents participated in a potty party when our toddler finally went do-do in the toilet instead of on the kitchen floor (ya, it happened!)? “What a big girl (boy),” we’d cheer and clap as we admired the floating achievement our child proudly displayed.  The purpose of the potty party was not only to encourage the positive behavior to continue, but also to build our child’s confidence and self-esteem.   

The need for recognition and appreciation continues into adulthood and plays an integral role in the development and satisfaction of our personal and professional lives.  So why do grown adults need a potty party every time they accomplish a goal, exceed expectations or provide excellent customer service? Because it feels good!!! And when something—like recognition, makes us feel good—we want to do it again and again. So, an employer can actually benefit (increased production, decreased turnover, happier employees and an improved bottom line) from making someone feel good!  Talk about a win-win.  I’ll take two please…

If showing sincere appreciation is a win for the employee and a win for the employer, why does “lack of appreciation” continue to show up over and over again on organizational employee satisfaction surveys? I have two theories—it is either NOT happening at all or enough or it’s NOT happening in a way that drives employee engagement.   

Why would it NOT be happening?

I’ve met many individuals, including supervisors that say, “I don’t need to be acknowledged!”  Can you guess who else they think “don’t need to be acknowledged?” You guessed it, their employees and/or colleagues. It’s unfortunate, but some supervisors think receiving a paycheck is appreciation enough. I fear these individuals never got a potty party when they were little or have received little appreciation/acknowledgment themselves; therefore, don’t want, or don’t know how to give it to others.  They are also the ones that expect a lifetime achievement award for putting their coffee mug in the dishwasher after their significant other spent the weekend cleaning the entire house without any mention. Disclaimer: Any resemblance to real life events is a coincidence and in no way shapes the author’s opinions or values. 

To remedy this, appreciation, just like civility. has to become a part of an organization’s corporate culture-- and it starts at the top. If top leaders put employee recognition and engagement at the top of their strategic objectives, it will begin to drive performance and employee satisfaction. When leaders begin to implement employee recognition initiatives and give out sincere appreciation themselves, the behavior will begin to be mirrored throughout the organization. 

Appreciation isn’t only shown through recognition and acknowledgement. For an employee to feel truly valued, leaders must regularly communicate any changes that can affect them, ask for their input on any changes that can affect them and offer guidance and support on any changes that can affect them. In other words, employees want to feel included in decisions that can have a positive or negative affect on the work that they do or how they do it. 

Another reason appreciation lacks in the workplace is that some supervisors just don’t know how to show appreciation in a way that resonates with employees. The best way to find out what makes your employees feel the most appreciated is by asking. You can do this corporately through an employee satisfaction survey or on a smaller scale during department meetings. You may be surprised how simple their needs are. Many employees just want their supervisor to guide them, evaluate their progress and recognize their achievement with a simple thank you or public acknowledgment. 

There are many ways to show appreciation and it should NOT be a once a year event.  Appreciation needs to be regular, sincere and specific. 

I want to challenge you. Concentrate on the things in your life, at home and at work, that make your life easier. It could be that an employee or leader went out of their way to help you on a project. It could be that your spouse washed and filled up your gas tank because they saw you were short on time. Now, I want you to STOP, take a moment to reflect on the gift that was given to you and consider how you can give them sincere acknowledgement.  Can you go beyond a thank you? Could you acknowledge them publicly at a meeting or send an email to their supervisor? Could you send them a handwritten note or gift them Starbucks?  What kind of potty party can you give them that will not only make them feel good, but will make YOU feel good?

Give them what they want.  Give them what they need.

APPRECIATION.  

Photo: (My 21-year-old cub) It's these moments that I knew taking that photo would come in handy as payback for the teenage years...

Graduation Does Not End Until the Last Day of Your Life

“Graduation is only a concept.  In real life every day you graduate.  Graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life.  If you can grasp that, you’ll make a difference.”  - Arie Pencovici

Graduation season is upon us.  Graduates from preschool, junior high, high school and college will line up and march across the stage to receive a degree, certificate or other form of acknowledgment that a milestone has ended in successful completion. 

Why do we celebrate graduations?  I never really understood the big deal—that is until I became a parent!   Getting through high school without becoming a grandma was reason to celebrate!   Can I get a HOOYAH?!

I never was one of the “popular” kids in school.  Absurdly tall with no athletic ability, I tended to neither be “in” or “out”, just there.  My biggest flex (learned that from the Z Generation on tiktok—a thank you very much) in high school was probably catching the eye of the kicker of the varsity football team who became my boyfriend throughout high school.   I was neither engaged in high school activities nor was an academia of any kind.  In fact, until the day of graduation I wasn’t 100% sure I was going to walk.  I just knew I’d better—because according to my father, “Any dummy can graduate.  All you have to do in show up every day and turn in all your assignments!”   Now, my dad wasn’t minimizing those who did well in high school.  Instead, he was taking no excuses for me NOT to graduate high school.  And trust me, I pulled some wing dingers that gave me pause on graduation day.  I’m alive today to tell you—I graduated!  

College was a prerequisite to living at home after turning 18—so I milked that deal for six years until I received my B.A. in History.   (WARNING:  I tried, what I considered a “bullet-proof” plan to get my own daughter to graduate college.   Go to college or get out.   So, she decided marrying a Marine and moving to San Diego was the better option.  Tough love can backfire—and ricochet. 

As relieved as I was to graduate college, I didn’t even attend my college graduation—by choice.  Not to say that I wasn’t proud of receiving my degree, but I was way more concerned with, “What now?”   Sadly, I didn’t understand at the time the privilege I had to be able to attend college and that the graduation ceremony was not just about me—it was also for my family.  My graduating cub has a similar attitude that I had and really doesn’t get the point of the ceremony.  But, I sure do!  For one thing, I want PROOF that he has indeed graduated—and second—I, like many of you, worked really hard helping him with distance learning this year.  I DESERVE this ceremony.  Us parents should get a hat and tassel too!  Ding Darn it!

Graduating insinuates an end, but now there has to be the beginning of something else, right?  We should celebrate these educational milestones and accomplishments with the recognition that we have gained the skill and knowledge to navigate the sometimes “school of hard knocks.”    Even after graduation, we are being schooled—in life, right?  And yet, how often do we celebrate that we made it through a difficult day, that we survived a challenging assignment or that we learned a new skill that we never thought we could grasp?  There was a beginning—and an end—and you made it to the next day a little bit stronger and a little more capable.  You graduated.  Celebrate!

Understanding that graduating with a degree does not mark the end, is an important concept.  Bask in the glory of your accomplishment, but don’t ignore all the daily achievements, lessons and experiences that shape you.   And, also recognize that you have a lot more graduations to celebrate.   It’s not time to rest.  The following are a few examples of how you can continue the pursuit of life-long learning and growth—keeping in mind that “graduation is a process that goes on until the last day of your life.”

1.       Read Every Day- Whether it be the newspaper (you know that rolled up paper that usually gets thrown on your wet grass or underneath your car), news articles online, personal and professional books or books for pleasure, reading enriches your vocabulary and also ignites your scope of knowledge, curiosity and creativity.

2.       Be Informed- Stay abreast of current social, political and economic issues that could have an impact on you, your family and your community.  Knowledge is key to understanding important issues plaguing our country.  Do your research and form your own educated opinion so that you can have a voice.

3.       Get Involved- Participate on local boards, join the school PTA, become a member of the local Chamber of Commerce or other type of community volunteerism.  Not only is it a wonderful way to help local schools, businesses or charitable organizations, it’s a valuable way for you to be exposed to individuals from different backgrounds, cultures, viewpoints and experiences. 

4.       Continue Learning- I can’t stress this enough.  As a leader, nothing impresses me more than having an employee who is actively pursuing personal and professional growth.  This can include, volunteering on committees, requesting to attend webinars, workshops or conferences to improve their skills and abilities, continuing their academic education (even if it is one class- you are still one class closer to achieving your goal) or showing enthusiasm and interest in growing in their job or in the organization.

5.       Jump Outside the Box- There is something amazing about life-long graduations.  As you keep growing, you keep gaining confidence and you become more willing to try things outside your comfort zone.  Tackle things that you fear.  For example, if you have a fear of public speaking, start small.  Practice in front of family, friends or trusted colleagues.  Next, start raising your hand during meetings and sharing your opinions publically.  As you get more comfortable, graduate to taking a public speaking class or joining your local Toastmasters and master the skill.

6.       Don’t Stop- Don’t stop graduating until your very last day.

If you read this article, congratulations!  Add personal and professional growth to your daily list of accomplishments and acknowledge all that you achieved today.  

Great job, Graduate!

 Photos:  Top:  My cub at pre-school graduation and him as a high school senior (Class of 2021!)

  

Wellness Wednesday- What Does Happiness Mean to You?

 

"Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it."- Andy Rooney

“I’m happy,” I randomly state to no one in particular.  The suddenness of my outburst takes me by surprise. Unsure if I finally donated my body to science before I was done using it, my husband responds, “Thaaat’s greeeat.”  “Ya, it IS great,” I tell myself as a wide grin covers my entire face.

To some, my response may seem strange. But for those of us that suffer from overthinking, anxiety, depression, low self-esteem and other happy busters, moments of contentment and pure joy can be far and few between.

Have you ever asked yourself, “What does happiness mean to me?” For me, happiness means peace. It’s the quieting of my brain from worry, anxiety and depression—and it’s the slowing of my body from constant movement. At least it was when I randomly blurted out, “I’m happy.”

So, what DOES happiness mean to YOU?

Happiness is a feeling only you can define.  It’s individually unique— just like you. It’s based on your specific preferences, needs, core values, and even your chemical makeup and DNA.  What makes me happy— a clean house fills my soul with pure bliss (mostly if I don’t have to clean it)— might not be what makes you happy. We are also not always going to be happy. There will be those stinky days where not only do we NOT see the glass half full, but we’d rather see the darn glass thrown against the wall. Having a bad day here and there does not make you an unhappy person—it makes you a normal person.

Obviously, we want more joy and more happiness in our lives and simply thinking it or stating it isn’t exactly going to get you to Disneyland (Get it? The Happiest Place on Earth? I crack myself up). We have to start by defining what happiness means to us.  Have you even said these words? I just want to be happy. Well, duh, we all want to be happy. But what does that look like to you? How could you possible ever be happy if you don’t even know what happiness means to you?

Increasing your happiness is not going to be a goal you reach and then you are done. If life is a highway, then happiness is along for the ride. Happiness is part of the journey and you have the wheel.  What made you happy ten years ago, might not be what makes you happy now. That is because we are constantly in motion, constantly changing. Happiness is a state of being that can change and even be fleeting at times. If you are simply in a constant state of unhappiness, it might be time to find out why and what has changed and what needs to change to reach a level of happiness in your life.

I don’t know about you, but I sure could use some improved happiness after the year we had. I can also safely say that some things that I wouldn’t have defined as making me happy a year ago, sure would now- like eating in a crowded restaurant. Shoot, I think I’ve been isolated so long that I could find joy in taking a ride on “It’s a Small World After All” at Disneyland!! Okay, now I might just be delirious.

To help you in your journey to enhanced happiness, I’m attaching a “Happiness Journal” that you can print. According to research done by psychologist Shawn Achor, author of “The Happiness Advantage” there are six habits that you can do each day that will help you on your happiness journey. The six habits are included in the journal, along with a daily journal template that you can do for the next 30 days.

Natalie Griffin once said, “Happiness is a choice not a result. Nothing will make you happy until you CHOOSE to be happy.”

Happiness Journal (Click Link to Download Journal)

You can find Monday Moment articles, Wednesday Wellness Fitness videos, Ask Workplace Wonda articles and Work/Life Videos on my website at www.workplacewonda.com or on my You Tube Channel. Don't forget to subscribe.

Thank you to everyone for supporting my vision to motivate and inspire.

Jeana Brooks

Human Resources & Communications Director

jbrooks@proteusinc.org (559) 735-3670

Freaky Friday- Walk a Mile in My Shoes

 

“Your job is not to judge.  Your job is not to figure out if someone deserves something.  Your job is to lift the fallen, to restore the broken, and to heal the hurting.” – Joel Osteen

 

Many of you may have watched the movie Freaky Friday.  It’s the scary tale of a mother and her teenage daughter who are very different from one another and they end up switching bodies for a day.  That would be freaky!  Although, I wouldn’t mind having the body of a teenager for a day with their perky… attitudes.   I digress. 

The movie has several lessons; one being the importance of appreciating our mothers and understanding the load they are carrying.  Speaking of which, don’t forget Mother’s Day is right around the corner.  Tell your Mommy you love her! 

The other equally important lesson is; you should never judge someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.   This seems like an easy concept and yet we make judgements and perceptions within seconds of meeting people.  In fact, according to research, it might take only a tenth of a second for someone to judge your trustworthiness and other important attributes.  Holy Guacamole!  Doesn’t seem quite fair does it?   What if I’m having a bad day?  Or worse, what if I’m having a bad hair day? 

The truth of the matter is, people will make assumptions about you.  It could be based on your appearance, the color of your skin, the gender you identify with or some other purely superficial reason that doesn’t reflect the full picture of who you are.   It’s an unfortunate truth.   We can’t control what other people think.  But we can learn from this fact and work on making “a great first impression,” right?
That includes how we present ourselves.  Ask yourself, am I dressing professionally and ensuring I am tidy and have good hygiene?  Am I walking with confidence, making eye contact, and am I actively listening and asking questions that show I am interested and care? 

But, the mother of all tips (that reference was to remind you that Mother’s Day is on May 9) to make a good first impression is to SMILE!   Studies show that a genuine smile boosts your confidence, makes you more approachable, increases your trustworthiness, and makes people feel good.   It’s just like the old saying goes, “You’d never hit a guy whose smiling, would you?”  Or, was it a guy with glasses you wouldn’t hit?  Well, you get the drift.

Perhaps you can do everything right-- and still be judged unfairly.  That is a possibility and you can only put out your very best effort and feel pride in how you presented yourself.  But, what you DO have control over is how YOU judge others. 

We don’t have the ability to change bodies with someone else like the mother and daughter did in Freaky Friday.  Trust me, you do not want to change bodies with this ole large-footed Amazonian with bad knees and tennis elbow!   But, we can practice empathy.  The definition of empathy is just doing that— it’s the ability to understand and see things from another’s perspective by imagining yourself in their place.   In the movie Freaky Friday, the mother was able to see her daughter in a different light after changing bodies with her.  She was able to experience all the insecurities of being young again and the pressures of school and trying to discover yourself.  Whereas the daughter was able to experience the stress of her mother’s career and all of the different roles she has to play as a mother, wife and working woman. 

So, how can we take the lesson of empathy and put it to work?  The following are a few tips:

1.       Listen- Be an active listener.  Repeat what you heard them say to ensure you have their correct message.

2.       Be open to new ideas, perspective and ways of doing things-  Creativity, invention and growth comes out of sharing and being open to new ways of doing things.

3.       Be patient- Slow your role and try to understand people learn and digest information differently.  They may need more time or need to see facts visually before giving input or making decisions.

4.       Don’t make assumptions.  It’s easy to just make swift assumptions about someone based on a one-time experience.  Give them the benefit of the doubt and a chance to prove themselves or explain a situation.

5.       Show genuine care and compassion- Care enough to know, know enough to care.  If you don’t ask, you will never know.   Realize you do not know what another person in going through or how their circumstances, tragedies or experiences have shaped them.

6.       We are all human beings- We all fall short.  We are all broken.  Practice grace and forgiveness. 

By imagining what it may be like to walk in the shoes of another will get us one step closer to civility, respect, equality and inclusion. 

An AHA Moment About Black Lives Matter

 

Have you ever had one of those “aha” moments when you least expect it?  It took me 50 years, but I recently had one after reading an article with my son for his English class titled, “A Talk to Teachers” by James Baldwin. 

The article was based on a speech that Baldwin addressed to teachers in 1963—years  before I was born—but is just as relevant today—which is telling.  Baldwin, a black novelist and activist, had a deliberate purpose for this speech.  He was asking educators; those that influence the purest of minds, to rise up against all resistance and change the false history and prejudice that is being taught in school about African Americans. 

Education in itself is supposed to develop independent thinking, reasoning and judgement in order to fairly and morally access the society in which we live and make needed changes as necessary.  If this is the case, how is it that we continue to address racism as a pesky mosquito whose sole aim is to suck the blood out of white privilege?  Perhaps this is harsh to some, but please open your minds for a moment as you read this article. 

When we are born, we are born without prejudice, malice or understanding of stature in society.  If you are white and born in this country—you are automatically given 5 stars just because the color of your skin.  You can’t possibly recognize this out right because you know no different.  This is why it is so hard for many white people to grasp the concept of white privilege.  For a child born of color and born in this country—things are recognizably different to them from a very young age.

Baldwin assert, “…any Negro who is born in this country and undergoes the American educational system runs the risk of becoming schizophrenic.”  

What does this mean?  Well, when you think of America, you think of justice, liberty, freedom, opportunity—the American dream.  This is what is taught in school.   But for a black child, they are also taught that their contribution to American history was nothing more than dutifully serving the white man. 

It is from the onset that a black child assesses the society around him and begins to recognize that all things are not created equal.  Before he can even prove himself, he is labeled unworthy—unworthy of all the opportunities allotted to white people as their right of birth.  Acknowledging this is difficult for white people—who often ask, “What do black people want?” 

This is where I had my “aha” moment.  Baldwin explains the silent rage that is building in that black child as he systematically get doors shut in his face.  Options are limited—they can either smile through rage or turn away from a society that long ago turned from them.  They can’t look toward politicians-- the government—or even the judicial system that was create to protect and benefit others—not them.   The simmering resentment, anger and rage is boiling now and is pointed directly at the power structure that continues to treat them differently simply because the color of their skin.

Please listen.  This rage is at the heart of the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960’s and the catalyst of today’s Black Lives Matter movement.  It’s much bigger than police violence against blacks.  It’s about society’s participation--- silent or otherwise—in allowing black people to be disproportionately subjected to less pay, harsher punishments, inadequate health care and very different life outcomes at all levels than white people.

I often hear or read in reference to the Black Lives Matter movement, “All lives matter, not just black lives.”  Yes, all lives matter, but that is not the point of the movement.  If all lives mattered, wouldn’t all lives be treated like they matter?  They are not.   Why is it so hard to admit this?  Because our ancestors were wrong!  What they did was wrong!  There is no way to justify it.  Saying it happened over 150 years ago and that black people should “get over it” is wrong.  We can only unlearn our history by not denying it. 

We must teach our children the truth in school about our history—ugliness and all.  Let us acknowledge that freedom didn’t happen because of the consciousness of the white man, but because of the fight to be free of the black man.  Perhaps we can only restore justice by starting at the beginning—by teaching our children to think for themselves, to fight for what is morally right—against societies take on superiority that continues to divide and damage our country.   

I don’t know what the answer is to end racism in our country.  I don’t know how we can restore the deep anger caused by years of oppression.  I guess I can start by asking, “How can I help?”

 

 

 

The Empathetic Leader

Being an Empathetic Leader is more important now than ever.  Find out why empathy is so important in leadership and how you can become a more empathetic leader.

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Getting Heated in the Workplace: Why You Should Keep Politics Out of the Workplace

When Personal Problems Become Everyone's Problem

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, 

There is an employee who always seems to bring her personal problems to work.  If she is not talking about them, she is coming in late or calling in sick due to something happening at home.  I know it is none of my business, but it seems like she sucks the air out of our department with her personal problems.  Shouldn’t something be done about this? 

Signed, Personally Annoyed

A: Dear Personally Annoyed,

There is no denying that the struggles and challenges of employees' personal lives can trickle - or gush into the workplace.  Work is a place where we will spend one-third of our lives.  The place where we are expected to be happy, cooperative and professional at all times. 

It seems reasonable that personal problems occurring in the remaining two-thirds of our lives could spill into the workplace.  The key to preventing a tidal wave of drama from engulfing your office or department is consistency and compassion. 

I was recently told by “he who must not be named,” that I was responsible for putting the extra “o” in “too, ” as in I'm "too" much.  Why, thank you?   I like to think of myself as “spirited” or “passionate,” but, o.k.

This can also be said about those who share “too” much about their personal lives.  Or let his or her personal problems cause “too” much drama at work. 

You know the type.  They are always sprinting into the office 5 to 10 minutes late, hair wet, shirt untucked with an animated response as to why he or she is late.  “OMG, you won’t believe what happened!”    In fact, you usually can’t believe what happened and how it could possibly happen over and over again to one person. 

Some people have a difficult time compartmentalizing their lives; therefore, are unable to prevent personal problems from affecting their work performance.    

I’m going to make a confession.   When I was a teen, I wanted to get out of work so I could make-up with my boyfriend whom I broke up with for the hundredth time.   I told my supervisor my grandma died and I was “too” upset to go to work.  My supervisor, who apparently wasn’t born yesterday, asked me what my Grandma’s name was because she wanted to read her obituary. Thankfully, it wasn’t a complete fabrication.  In fact, my step-mother’s mom had passed away.  Sure, I never met her, nor did I have any biological connection to her whatsoever, but she was a Grandma… just not mine. 

I just realized I said “thankfully” when discussing the level of treachery I used to get out of work after the passing of my step-grandma?  OMG, perhaps I am responsible for the extra “o” in “too!” 

Like, I’m making this “too” much about me?

Back to your question. Yes, something should be done about an employee who is causing a tsunami of drama that threatens to drown the morale and performance of the entire office.  Is it your job to be therapist or warden?   No. 

It is the role of the supervisor to address personal issues that threaten to wash away the employee and everything else in its wake.  It should be handled consistently and with compassion. 

Life is hard and stress is real.  But the reality is, life is hard for most and there has to be a standard and consistent approach to handling personal problems that affect work performance and office morale.  Meaning, supervisors should treat each employee with the same expectations. 

Expectations of the office or department should be clearly defined, including expected behavior.  This way, everyone has the same message and understands in advance what the expectations are and what could happen if expectations are not met. 

When addressing an individual employee, supervisors should do it in private, giving specific examples of how his or her personal problems are affecting work performance and impacting other employees or the product or services offered. 

Divorce, death of a family member, health issues and more can hit anyone.  Showing sincere compassion and understanding shouldn’t undermine a supervisor’s expectations. 

Supervisors can offer a sympathetic ear, but should never offer advice.  The goal is to get a better understanding of the situation so the supervisor knows how to address it.  If needed, the supervisor can refer the employee to human resources or the employer’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP) to get support.  Another option would be to offer time off or an unpaid personal leave so that the employee can address his or her issues and come back to work focused and productive. 

Hopefully, the supervisor will only have to address this once, but if it continues, other disciplinary options might have to be considered.   Regardless of the outcome, the supervisor should document, document, document. 

Now what can YOU do?

Don’t let his or her problems become yours.  You do have control over how you react to someone else’s behavior.  Choose to concentrate on your work performance and set your own boundaries with your coworker when it comes to him or her sharing personal information.  You could say something like, “I’m so sorry Anne that you are going through that, but I have to get this project done.  You should consider talking to your supervisor or human resources.  They are better equipped to assist you.”   

If his or her personal problems are affecting a team effort, certainly inform your supervisor.  Sometimes, the supervisor is the last to know, particularly when it comes to specific personal issues.  If the supervisor doesn’t seem “in touch” with what is going on, share with them how the employee isn’t carrying his or her weight on the project.  Give the supervisor specific examples and ask if they could address it with the employee. 

Signed,

Workplace Wonda

FYI, it was Mr. Workplace Wonda who said that I put the extra “o” in the word “too.”   He should get credit for his clever zinger that I will take as a compliment.  Thank you very much.