Wellness Wednesday- Standing Abs

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Move or the Universe Will Make You- Lessons Learned

  My Daddy

“I had to make you uncomfortable, otherwise you never would have moved.” Universe

Well Universe, congratulations.  You’ve made me, and the remainder of mankind, inconceivably uncomfortable!   

Have you ever felt like a black cloud has been following you?  That everywhere you turn, lady luck is giving you the middle finger?  And just when you think your year could not get any worse, you find out that rock bottom has an underground bunker!  This pretty much sums up 2020 for me—and I’m sure the same could be said for many of you.

In addition to the state of our country due to the pandemic, unemployment, fires and social unrest to name a few—I lost both my Grandmother and Father within a few months of each other.   It’s like the Universe is saying, “Look Sissy, you’ve become complacent.  Time to shake things up.”  

It is said that out of every tragedy—out of every failure—there is a lesson to be learned.  And out of every lesson learned, there is growth—there is movement.  Is this what the Universe is trying to show us?  That we must experience things in our lives that make us uncomfortable in order to appreciate what we have—and imagine what could be?  

How many times did we blow off seeing a family member because we were too busy?  How often did we abuse our bodies and neglect our health?  How often did we thank the medical community or small business owners in our communities for the services they provide? How many times did we slow down enough to appreciate nature or time spent with our children?  I could go on and on… 

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, it’s difficult to ignore that we do not have total control over the Universe, its resources and its ability to teach us valuable lessons.  What we do with that information is up to us.  Will we continue to wash our hands vigorously and clean and disinfect all surfaces?  Will we be courteous about personal space and be more mindful about going to work sick?  Will we slow down and spend more quality family time together?  Will we visit our grandparents and parents regularly—just to say hello and give a hearty hug?

The thing about lessons is sometimes they are followed by shame and guilt.  After my Step-Dad died three years ago, I went into deep mourning.  Instead of spending time with other family members, I clung to my Mom as we tried to imagine a life without Dave and without fighting cancer.  The thing is, I still had a Grandmother and a Father that were alive.  They would have done anything to have my love and attention.  Instead, I choose to live in what was no longer.  Dave was gone.  I couldn’t bring him back.  I wish I could say that I learned from his death and spent countless hours with my family and friends.  But I didn’t.  I went inward instead.

I rarely visited my Grandmother, who lived in the same town as me.  The day before she died, I went to see her.  As I watched her sleep, I told her how much I loved her.  Slowly she opened her eyes, smiled and said, “You are so beautiful.”  “I love you.”  Those were her last words to me.  I told her she was the one that is beautiful.  She shook her head.  Even at the end, she was so happy to see me.  

A couple of months later, my Dad lay sleeping in his bed.  I came by after my Step-Mom alerted me that he wasn’t doing well and that he had been sleeping almost non-stop.  “Daddy?”  As his eyes came into focus he responded, “I thought you were an angel.”  "No Daddy, just your Princess," I whisper.  I got him out of bed and into his chair.  I made his bed with newly washed sheets.  I cooked him lunch and got him some water.  As he sat in his chair eating, I asked him if he would like me to cut his toe nails.  He responded, “Really?”  I sat on the ground next to his feet and carefully clipped away at his overgrown toe nails.  He was so swollen from edema that he couldn’t bend to care for his toe nails.  His skin was painfully dry, cracking and seeping water and blood from the edema.  I lotioned his feet and massaged them just like I used to do when I was a little girl after he returned from work.  A little over a week later he was gone.  

Yesterday I was going through our landline phone messages.  I rarely answer that phone and even more rarely check the messages.  There were two missed calls from my Dad.  His voice was hoarse, but he said on both of them, “Just checking on you.  I love you.”  It’s really hard not to feel regret.  I would do anything in the world to be able to answer that call now.  And he was checking on me because he hadn’t heard from me in a while.

I hope that in sharing this with you that you will not make the same mistake I made.  Time is precious.  Spend that time wisely.  Spend that time in appreciation for what you have and who you have.  Remember this; someone is out there right now praying for something you have been blessed with.  

One day this pandemic will be a mere memory (I hope), let it not be in vain.  Let us reflect on the good that has come out of this.  It has forced us to move and adjust.  It has made us appreciate the things we currently don’t have access to.  It has forced us to slow down and spend more time with our families.  

But life will go back to “normal” one day.  Will you wait until the Universe forces you to be uncomfortable again or will you willingly move in order to grow and find purpose?  

The decision is yours.

Let's embrace Mondays, and everyday with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.

 

Friends Are Like Diamonds- Precious and Rare

Due to the death of my Father this week, I will not be posting any videos this week.  Be sure to subscribe so that you can get future articles and videos.  Thanks to everyone for your kind condolences and well-wishes.  

Have you ever heard of the saying, “Friends are like diamonds, precious and rare?”

In truth, diamonds aren’t particularly rare; in fact, they are the most common precious stone available on Earth. It is the carat, color, cut and clarity of the stone that determines its value. Another words, it’s the quality of the diamond that makes it both precious and rare.

The same can be said of friends. You can have a large amount of people in your life you may define as friends, but the most precious of them—are in fact-- rare. 

It is said, “A good friend will help you move, but a RARE friend will help you move a body.” I know. I know. That’s a bit extreme. But, if you are lucky, you will be blessed with a friend who would do virtually anything for you—minus accessory to murder of course (wink).

I’ve had great (girl)friends and amazing (boy)friends though out the years, but a ride or die—I’ve only had one. It’s that person that you can depend on during good times and bad. It’s that individual that will tell you the truth no matter what, but will still support you when you don’t listen. They accept you for what you are—and what you are not. They are there for you during the most celebratory of times and the most heartbreaking of times. Rare indeed.

Trust doesn’t come easy for many of us, including me. Trust is tied to intimacy and having the ability to be vulnerable and accepting. Hurt, pain and disappointment that we’ve experienced in life causes us to create a protective wall—and this can be very difficult to penetrate. My best friend never gave up trying, and she jokes that it took her years to become my friend. That being said—she is also the girl that tried out for high school cheerleader four years in a row until she finally made second alternate her senior year; eventually getting to cheer in one game. Now that’s resilience!

Why are friendships so important in our lives—and why do we form so many of them in the workplace? Well, for one—love and belonging is a basic human need. Friendships satisfy that longing to belong as well as reduces stress, increases happiness, improves overall worth and gives us purpose.

If we spend almost a quarter of our adult lives at work, it seems logical we are going to make some very important connections. These positive connections have a strong impact on overall work satisfaction and productivity. In addition to building stronger teams, employees who develop a personal connection with co-workers feel more secure when sharing new ideas and thoughts—thus allowing for more creativity.

Regardless of the level of friendship or whether it transcends the confines of the workplace, close connections are a necessity to our overall wellbeing. Who better to support and guide you through a crisis or time of change than those experiencing it at the same time? Not only do the connections we develop in the workplace become friends, many times they become like family.

My ride or die is also my mentor, my sister from another mister and the first person I would call in an emergency.

My best friend gave me something that can’t be measured by clarity, carat or cut—she showed me how to be a friend through her loving example. In showing me how to be a friend, I have been able to open myself up to new friendships and connections. It is through her lesson that I was able to form a truly special friendship through another connection I made at work. A connection that has offered me spiritual growth and guidance, along with laughter and joy.

These friendships have lifted me when I could not lift myself. These friendships have encouraged me when I doubted myself. These friendships have covered me in love when my heart has been broken. And these friendships have wiped my tears with their unwavering support during the loss of my Father this week.

Thank you Michelle for being my ride or die. And to Diane, thank you for allowing me the privilege to call you friend.

Now about that body…

The Empathetic Leader

Being an Empathetic Leader is more important now than ever.  Find out why empathy is so important in leadership and how you can become a more empathetic leader.

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Wellness Wednesday- Leg Day!

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There is No Excuse for Excuses

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Wellness Wednesday- Chest, Back, Obliques

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Have You Heard? Gossip in the Workplace

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Workout Wednesdays- Bi's, Tri's and Shoulders- It's All About Form

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For some reason when I post on Wednesday, you do not receive a reminder until Thursday that I posted.  I am working on figuring that out.  

This Is Personal- What Role Do You Hold in Your Family?

 

(This was a few years ago- we really need a new one)  Left:  Oldest (Jason), Middles (Jeana and Vern), Baby (Ben)

Are you the first, middle or baby of the family?  Typically, in the hierarchy of families, the oldest child is the leader.  They are the one that experienced all the firsts with their parents.  They are the ones who have 50,000 photos of their first year alone.  They are also the ones who paved the way for their younger siblings to enjoy some freedom—by wearing down their parents with their teenage hijinks.

In my family, I hold a unique place.  I am a middle child, but the only girl of four.  Typical of families of my generation, the girl of the family was the princess and treated as such—mostly by their Daddy.  My Dad was old school and the boys were certainly treated differently.  I wouldn’t say loved any less, but given less outwardly affection for sure.  I was the apple of my Daddy’s eyes and we held a very special bond—and still do.  That being said, his aspirations for me were minimal, whereas his expectations of my brothers were high—particularly when it came to sports. 

My Dad was the Clint Eastwood of Dads.  He was big, strong and when he said jump, you darn better get to stepping or you were quickly placed over his knee.  Well, unless you were me.  I could do little wrong.  But I did not have 100% success rate of pulling a fast one over on my Dad. 

There is a rare story of when my brothers got one over on me when I was 4 or 5 years-old.   I was alone in the car with my two older brothers teasing and poking at them, “Ha, ha, you can’t do anything, Daddy will spank you!”  Little did I know, Daddy was standing by the car and overheard me giving the righteous testimony to my brothers.  As the story goes, my Dad looked right at my brothers and said, “Have at her boys!” 

The other time holds a permanent zip code in my memory.  Not because I failed at pulling a fast one on my Dad, but for the look of disappointment on his face when he realized his Princess was far from perfect—or pure.

I was in high school and asked my Dad if I could stay overnight at my girlfriend’s house.  Spoiler Alert, I wasn’t staying the night with my girlfriend.  The plan would have worked perfectly except my oldest brother came to town for a visit and my Dad wanted me home to see him.  Lesson number one—if you are going to attempt to deceive, ensure all parties have clear Intel on the secret operation. 

When my Dad called my friend asking for me, she told him I wasn’t there.  In her defense, I didn’t include her in the plan and he did wake her up with his call.  Of course she immediately called me and told me that my Dad was looking for me.  Still thinking I had a chance to save the operation, I called him back with an outlandish excuse, oozing of desperation.  “Get home,” was his only response.  I never got grounded, I never got yelled at and I never got lectured—the look was the punishment and it hurt mightily.

Although my crown was tarnished a bit, I was—and still am—my Daddy’s little princess.  But I was also given another title in our family—the leader.

I don’t know exactly when I became bequeathed the top role in the hierarchy of siblings in my family—but apparently that’s the word amongst my brothers. Perhaps it’s because I’m the only girl.  Perhaps it’s because I live(d) closest to my parents.  Perhaps it is because I was with my Mom and Step-Dad (I hate calling him step- but because I’m referencing my Dad, I don’t want to confuse you) the entire time he was fighting cancer and ultimately died.  Perhaps it’s because I didn’t flinch when I volunteered to give my hero a well-deserved send off at his funeral. 

I realize I’m rambling, but I guess this is more for me than for you.  Today is a hard day.  It’s one of those days where finding words to motivate others escapes me.  My heart is elsewhere.  My mind is elsewhere.  It is on my Dad. 

We all attempt to understand our roles in life—both in the workplace and at home.  Some roles we don’t even believe we deserve—like leader of the family.  I am certainly the most sensitive one in the family—the weakest emotionally.  I don’t think I deserve to be the lead.  I don’t even know if I want to be.  But, what I’ve learned about myself is—when no one else steps forward, I will.  Is that a leader?  Maybe.

It is said that you are never given more than you can handle.  I might debate that.  What I can say is that no matter how much you are given, someone is depending on you to handle it.  Today, I’m not handling it well—but I know when the time comes—I will take the lead.  

Let's embrace Mondays, (or Tuesdays), and everyday with excitement.  We will do it together, each Monday-- for a moment.