Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers- Addressing Employee Hygiene

Q: Dear Workplace Wonda, there is an employee who visits my office a couple of times a week. Each time he comes in, he has this unpleasant smell that stinks up the entire office. The odor is so bad that employees spray Febreze or turn on their scented candles to cover the smell. Some employees even complain of headaches! How do I address such an uncomfortable subject? 

 

Signed, Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers

 

A: Dear Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers, Wow, you really are in a stinky, I mean, sticky situation! On one hand, you have employees screaming, "foul." On the other hand, you have an employee who is seemingly senseless when it comes to his own Pepé Le Pee-ew!

It kind of reminds me of one of my favorite SpongeBob SquarePants episodes titled, "Something Smells." In the episode, SpongeBob decides to make a sundae, but doesn't have any ice cream. Instead, he uses onions, ketchup, and peanuts. When he goes out to Bikini Bottom, everyone avoids him because of his rancid breath. SpongeBob's good buddy Patrick does not smell the foul odor because he does not have a nose and tells SpongeBob that everyone is avoiding him because he has the "uglies!" Later in the episode, Patrick eats one of SpongeBob's special sundaes, and when everyone runs from him, he thinks he caught the "uglies" from SpongeBob. SpongeBob eventually smells Patrick's breath and has an epiphany. He says, "Patrick, we are not ugly, we just have bad breath from eating the sundaes"! Both SpongeBob and Patrick run around happily announcing, "WE STINK!" "WE STINK!" 
 

The episode clearly shows how oblivious SpongeBob and Patrick are to the funk fermenting from their mouths. Could the same be true of the "little stinker" in your office? If not, we have to presume that the employee is getting a whiff of himself and is wearing his odour parfum de rancid with purposeful pride. Highly unlikely. Think about it. We are with ourselves all day long. We get used to our own scent. Our nose doesn't always know what other's noses know. Nose what I mean?

In all likelihood, the employee is unaware that he is staring in a Febreze smell test commercial and that he is staring as the SMELLY ODOR! Supervisors, this is what you get paid the big bucks to address. Discussing body odor with an employee is considered one of the top "difficult and awkward conversations" a supervisor has to have with an employee. The following are a few tips you can use to end "Smellygate".

1. Meet in private with the employee. If you are a female supervisor talking with a male employee or vice versa, perhaps having a supervisor of the same sex might be less uncomfortable for the employee. It should be a supervisor that works with the employee, not Joe Supervisor from another office. Not that you would be too successful trying to convince a supervisor from another office to help you on this one.

2. You might explain to the employee that you have to discuss a topic that is uncomfortable, but important to address. No need to be apologetic because hygiene problems do reflect poorly on the company. If they become defensive or embarrassed, you could explain that you are not wanting to humiliate them, but their personal hygiene needs to be corrected. Be specific on what needs to be addressed, such as bad breath, body odor, too much perfume or cologne. In reality, you are doing the employee a favor by bringing it to his attention.

3.  Be sure to follow-up to ensure that the problem was addressed. I'm not suggesting that you sniff the employee every time he enters the office, but just be aware of how employees are responding (running, fainting, wearing gas masks) to know if further discussions need to occur. Hopefully, this will go smoothly, and you will be able to bathe, I mean, bask in the sweet smell of success.

Signed, Workplace Wonda

All Partied Out- Gift Giving in the Workplace

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, as an office we celebrate staff birthdays. It used to be that everyone chipped in for a card and cake. Then, it became a card, cake, and pizza. Then, it was taking the person out for lunch as a group. Now, it has grown to some staff members giving personal gifts during the birthday celebration. I feel that personal gifts should be saved for after work gatherings instead of during the office celebration. It becomes very awkward when some employees can’t afford, or don’t want to buy, a birthday gift for the individual. What do you do?

 

Signed, All Partied Out

A: Dear All Partied Out, I love birthdays! As a matter of fact, Workplace Wonda just recently celebrated a birthday of her own. Thank you for asking. I don’t want to brag, but I was spoiled rotten by my co-workers. You would have thought that Princess Diana had risen from the dead and was dropping by my office on her way across the pond. Happy Birthday signs were everywhere, including my computer monitor!  Do you know how difficult it is to work when you have a Happy Birthday sign covering your entire monitor? I didn’t care. I felt like Queen for a Day! Lunch, gifts, it was a never-ending day of celebration and it was all about ME!   But, what was wonderful and great in my small, close-knit office, might not be the same for others who work in larger offices that seem to be celebrating someone’s birthday every other day.

　

So, what is proper etiquette for gift-giving and birthday celebrations in the workplace? It can be tricky. We typically spend more time with our co-workers than our own family members, so why wouldn’t they deserve a inflatable jump house and a piñata? Well, for one thing, amount of time spent doesn’t always equate to deep, meaningful friendships that warrant gift-giving. Second, unless you are a member of the Duggar family from the reality show, "19 kids and Counting," you could potentially have more people celebrating birthdays at work than at home. Buying gifts for everyone could deplete your bank account faster than Father Time is stealing my youth.

To Gift Give or Not to Gift Give, That is the Question

　

The answer is... it's up to you. If you have a friendly relationship with your co-worker, a gift is a nice gesture that would probably be appreciated.. If you do not know the employee well, or let's be honest...don't like him or her, then NOT giving a gift is appropriate too. If you choose to bestow a lovely gift upon the celebrating birthday boy or girl, I agree with you, sharing it after work would alleviate a lot of awkwardness from employees who did not purchase gifts.

　

It is clear from reading your question that your office has fallen into the Pandora Box of gift-giving. Once you open that box and elevate the level of celebration, you are setting a precedent for the office on how to celebrate for years to come. Don't do it!!! Hey, I'm not trying to be a "party pooper", but riddle me this. What happens when Jane gets lunch, a card, cake, balloons, a group gift, a birthday sign on her monitor and Tom only gets a crappy 99 cent card on sale from Dollar World? Hmmm, think feelings might get hurt? Say, yes. Say, yes. Of course his feelings will be hurt! And, how do you think Bob will feel during lunch when Gail announces to everyone that staff "all chipped in for a special gift for the birthday girl.... I mean, everyone, but Bob!" Think Bob is going to feel like a Shmuck? You betcha! 

 

　

My Sensei and Spiritual Leader, Costa, once told me, "Lower your expectations, and you will not be disappointed!" Ah, Sensei, I cherish your words of wisdom. In other words, don't open Pandora's Box! Keep it simple and manageable so that everyone can enjoy and be a part of the office celebration, and no one will end up disappointed or embarrassed.

　

I suggest coming together as an office and/or department and agreeing on how to celebrate office birthdays and stick with the plan. Gift-giving or additional activities outside of what you agreed upon should be offered to everyone, but not expected of anyone.

　

For those of you that forgot Workplace Wonda had a birthday this month, it's not too late. Technically, I allow celebrating to occur through October 31. I love anything with the Denver Broncos on it and I rarely get insulted when given a gift that includes chocolate!

　

Signed, Workplace Wonda (Birthday Girl!)

What to do about Debbie Downers in the Workplace

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, I have a co-worker that is very nice, but very cynical- Cynical about the company, cynical about her boss, and definitely cynical about the possibility of things getting better. I want to make our office a more positive place to work, but she is bringing down morale with her "can't do" attitude. Any suggestions?

Signed, Can Do Without "Can't Do" Co-worker

A: Dear Can Do Without "Can't Do" Co-worker, I feel your pain. Nothing is worse than working with someone who never sees the possibilities. I'm not saying we should go around farting rainbows, but some positivity and hope goes a long way!
 

One of my all time favorite skits on Saturday Night Live involves a character named Debbie Downer. Debbie is one of those "cynical" people who always kills the fun out of any situation with her negative comments. For example, in one skit, Debbie is at a wedding reception watching the newly married bride and groom enjoy their first dance as husband and wife. When the man next to her comments, "Aw, and don't they look perfect together?, Debbie responds, "Wish them luck. The only thing higher than gas prices in this country are divorce rates!"...Wah, wah, wahhhh. Man, Debbie cracks me up! Of course, Saturday Night Live writers were able to come up with a clever parody of an attribute most of us find anything but funny.

Sadly, many of these "Debbie Downer" types have been this way, to some extent, their entire lives. Personality traits can be imprinted from early childhood and simply be re-enforced throughout life. I'm not saying that it is an excuse for these negative types, just that it won't be easy for them to change. I see this often in my eleven-year-old son. When I told him once how important it was for him to work hard in school so that he could get a job to support his family someday, he responded, "I guess I'm just going to end up being a hobo!" Wah, wah, wahhhhh. Instead of seeing the positive outcome of hard work, he concentrated on the "HARD" part of the hard work and decided having quarters thrown at him by passersby as the ONLY option. When I got my new short hair do, instead of saying something positive, or nothing at all, he chose to tell me that I looked like Justin Bieber. I am in the process of trying to teach him that he doesn't have to say EVERYTHING he is thinking in his head.

The same can be said of the "Debbie Downers" in the workplace. Not only do they often think the worse, they also feel the need to verbalize it, whether their opinions have been asked or not. Instead of finding solutions to problems, they typically will state all the reasons something won't work or why they can't do a particular task.

So what can you do to turn "Debbie Downer" upright? The following are a few tips:

1. Exude positivity. Sprinkle fairy dust full of cheerfulness throughout the office. Nothing is more infectious that a positive attitude. As the saying goes, "When Debbie throws you mud, make mud pie!" Ok, maybe the saying had something to do with lemons and lemonade, but you get the drift. Each time Debbie says something negative, say something positive. Debbie might not even realize that she is being negative and will hopefully start mirroring your positivity.

2. Come prepared. Resistance to change is typical of the "Debbie Downer." Anticipate Debbie's reaction and find ways to engage her in the new process. Fear can be a precursor to negativity, so keeping Debbie informed and involved will ease some of her anxiety and hopefully make her more open to changes.

3. Take Debbie Down. Wow, that sounds harsh. But, hear me out. What I mean by that is if the soft approach doesn't work and morale and productivity is taking a dive, you might have to broach the subject with Debbie directly. You might pull Debbie aside and explain to her, in a non-confrontational way, how her negativity is affecting the team. If you don't feel comfortable addressing it yourself, you might have to inform your supervisor. Depending on the level of negativity and its affect on production and morale, the supervisor might feel that Debbie causes more harm than good and is not a good fit for the office or department. Unfortunately, Debbie might not only be "down," but "out!"

Nothing I've said will probably help you anyway. A matter of fact, statistics show that only 1% of all people that ask for help actually take the advice given. And of the 1% that do, they quickly realize the advice that was given blows chunks. Wah, wah, wahhhh.....

I kid! Rainbows and fairly dust for everyone!!!

Signed, Workplace Wonda

　

　

　

Flaming Mad-Employee Sick of Rude E-mails

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, when communicating with a particular co-worker via e-mail, her responses come across as being very rude. I don't know if she doesn't like me, or if she communicates like this with everyone; but I find it extremely unprofessional. I've tried to take the high road and just ignore the responses, but it's difficult not to get drawn in. Help! How do I handle this?

Signed, Flaming Mad

A:  Dear Flaming Mad, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE SO UPSET!!!!!!!! Everybody knows the most effective and clear form of communication is through e-mail. Well, apparently not EVERYBODY! In the future, I'd suggest rethinking your question before submitting!   Oh, and by the way, I plan to blind courtesy copy this to everyone, so, no need to respond.

Signed, Playing the Flame Game

Workplace Wonda is just kidding! But how would you know based on my written word? You wouldn't. And that is the problem with communication in any form that is not face-to-face. 

In truth, e-mail communication is one of the most misconstrued forms of communication. Just think about it. If I were communicating the above message face-to-face, you would see from my tone and facial expressions that I was using sarcasm and humor as a lead in to my response to your question. Instead, you are left to interpret my tone, intent, words, and emoticon I've used. You're probably thinking Workplace Witch would be a better name for me, right? Umm...that was a hypothetical question by the way. No need to respond.

How do we deal with perception when what is rude to the recipient might not be the intent of the sender? I have a suggestion. Pick up the phone. Better yet, stretch your legs and go on a face-to-face road trip. I know. I get it. It's so much easier and quicker to e-mail. And hey, can we get real? Dontcha feel a little bit braver, a little bit more clever, and a little bit more in control when you can communicate through cyber space? What better way to have the "last word." The problem is, if not careful, you could have someone flaming mad at you!

The following are a few bad e-mail habits that may cause an e-mail to seem rude:

1. Using ALL CAPS. In the e-mail etiquette world this is often perceived as "yelling" or "screaming". SO DON'T DO IT!!!

2. Using multiple "!!!!!" or "?????". This can be perceived by some as condescending, although most use it for emphasis. Maybe, just don't hit that button too many times!!!!!!!!! I mean, "!"

3. What? No hello? Sending an e-mail without a "Good Morning", "Hello", "Please", or "Thank You" comes across simply as a demand.

4. Copying everyone. This can be perceived as a means of "coercing", "embarrassing", or "telling on" someone in hopes of getting them to do what you want them to do. What are we, twelve? Let's all be big boys and girls and deal with issues maturely, before we tell Mom and Dad.

So, to answer your question. What should you do if you receive an e-mail that you perceive as rude? The following are a few suggestions:

1. Don't be "Send" happy. If you receive an e-mail that makes you angry, take a time-out before sending a response. Getting in a "flaming" war leaves all involved, a little charred. Flaming is to send a hostile, insulting, or, rude message online.

2. Give the benefit of the doubt. Recognize that e-mails can easily be misinterpreted and don't assume the message was sent with ill will. You could always pick up the phone or drop by the sender's office for clarification.

3. Kill them with kindness. Ask yourself, "Is it worth me getting upset over?" Take the high road and respond back in a polite and professional manner.

4. Say Stop. If the communication continues to be rude and nasty, inform the sender that you see a pattern in her or his e-mails that you are taking offense to. If it continues, you might have to discuss the emails with your own or the sender's supervisor. Good Luck!

SIGNED, WORKPLACE WONDA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sorry, I needed to get that out!)

 

Caught in the Crossfire- When Employees Spray You with Germs

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,  

HELP!  We have someone in our office building that doesn’t seem to understand that when people cough, they should, out of respect and consideration to others, COVER THEIR MOUTHS!  Even if the symptoms of the cough aren’t contagious, the fact that spittle can fly through the air at lightning speed with no restraint, and does not take caution to where it will land is just “NASTY!” 

Signed, Caught In the Crossfire

Dear Caught in the Crossfire,

Coughing and sneezing are unfortunate realities in the workplace.  Another reality is that coughs and sneezes spread diseases.  In fact, did you know that droplets can travel 3-12 feet after a cough or sneeze?   So, if you are in close proximity to the cougher or sneezer, it is likely that you will get “caught in the crossfire.” 

Here is another fun fact that you might find “sickening.”  A recent study showed that “1 out of 4” people do not cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze.  Apparently, one of the “1 out of 4” is in your office building. 

Now, before you get your finger wagging at the germinator, take a deep breath.  Well, maybe just take that deep breath mentally for now.  The truth of the matter is, according to the survey mentioned above; only 5% of those surveyed know the proper way to prevent the spread of germs from sneezing and coughing.  

It’s “snot” our fault.  Most of us were told to “cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze.”    Great advice, Mom!  The problem is dear ole Mom forgot to inform us that coughing into our hands is just covering our own hands with VIRUS!  Then we touch doors, desks, and other items that our co-workers touch.  YUCK!  Gesundheit! 

Now, any good therapist will tell you that we can’t blame our parents for our bad behaviors forever.  Thanks, therapist.  I was using that excuse for years.   Instead, we need to educate ourselves and our coworkers on proper hygiene etiquette.

Why don’t you take the lead and ask your supervisor if your office and/or team could have a meeting to discuss ways to prevent the spread of illnesses in the workplace.  What better time than during the fall/winter months.  Asking for team participation in finding a solution encourages buy-in and develops a set of office rules that everyone needs to adhere to. 

Having the office meeting will make it a lot easier to address the germinator next time he or she spasmodically expels air and nasal secretion into your work space.   

You can take several approaches:

1. Kindly offer them a tissue to sneeze/cough into.  I wouldn’t suggest offering them your elbow sleeve, but offering a tissue might be a subtle hint.
2. Politely remind them of the staff meeting and how you all agreed on ways to prevent the spread of germs.  
3. If this fails, ask your supervisor to speak to him/her. 

To help stop the spread of germs,

• Cover your mouth and nose with a tissue when you cough or sneeze.
• Put your used tissue in the waste basket.
• If you do not have a tissue, cough or sneeze into your upper sleeve or elbow, not your hands.
• Wash your hands often with soap and warm water for 20 seconds.
• If soap and water are not available, use an alcohol-based hand rub.

Hopefully, your germ-spreading coworker will read this and get the message.  It’s certainly nothing to sneeze at!

Signed, Workplace Wonda…….a…a…a..aachooooooo!!!!!!!

Hoarding Office Supplies Causes Co-worker to Become Unglued

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

 

When ordering supplies for the office/department, why is it that the order isn’t for everyone? When supplies are ordered, you assume it’s for everyone’s use, correct? Wrong!

How do I handle a fellow co-worker who hoards an office item like it was paid for with his/her own pocket money?

Signed, Glue-less

 

 

A: Dear Glue-less,

 

I hope your name isn’t secret code for what item your co-worker is hoarding. When you sign off as Glue-less, I can’t help but imagine your co-worker barricaded in his/her office drowning in a sea of Elmer’s glue.

Hoarding is a serious mental health condition and there is even a TV series titled, "Hoarding: Buried Alive" that addresses extreme hoarding. So, unless your co-worker is literally buried beneath heaps of office supplies, I’ll assume your use of the word "hoard" refers to your co-worker’s refusal to bestow this item upon you.

Since you don’t name this item, I’ll also assume that it is a commonly-used and/or a very sought-after item. The part I’m having a difficult time piecing together (get it?) is why your co-worker isn’t sharing.

It reminds me of a Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck episode where Bugs and Daffy emerge from a burrow and find themselves in a Sultan’s cave filled with treasures. So greedy is Daffy, he stomps Bugs back into the burrow as he famously screams, "It's mine, you understand? Mine! All mine! Get back in there! Down, down, down! Go, go, go! Mine, mine, mine! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!"

Is your co-worker greedy? I’m not sure. I can’t imagine your co-worker is rolling in post-it notes or throwing Xerox paper in the air yelling, "It’s mine, mine, all mine! I’m rich, I’m rich. I’m filthy rich!" But hey, who knows.

In order to answer your question on how to handle Daffy, I mean your co-worker; I would need to eliminate some important variables. For example, what is your office/department’s procedure for requesting and ordering supplies? Does your supervisor order the supplies or is there a designated staff person? When supplies are ordered for your office/department are they stored in a centralized place, in the designated staff’s office, or individually handed out?

In most instances, there is one individual in the office/department who is in charge of ordering supplies for the entire office. In my department, our designated staff member asks us if we are in need of specific supplies. She places individual orders as well as stocks commonly used supplies such as post its, pens, Xerox paper, etc. in a centralized area that all staff can access as needed.

But, before you become un-glued, my advice to you would be to clarify with your supervisor what the procedure is for ordering and/or accessing office supplies. Once you clarify, you will be able to a) address the sticky situation directly, b) let your supervisor know that your co-worker is trying to stick it to you by not sharing supplies, and/or c) contact the producers of "Hoarding: Buried Alive: and suggest they have a special "office addition" of their cringe-worthy series.

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Desperate for a Hello

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, 

I’m no Emily Post, but isn’t it appropriate etiquette to acknowledge an individual with a friendly greeting when you come into contact with them.  I’ve noticed that sometimes employees will walk right past you in the hall way without even a glance up.  As a  matter of fact, the other day I waved at a co-worker who was leaving the parking lot and she just blankly looked at me.  Has our society become so emotionally protective that to initiate a friendly acknowledgment to our own co-workers is too much to ask?  Why should I  go out of my way to be friendly when others would just as soon be invisible.      
           
 Signed, Desperate for a Hello.

A:  Dear  Desperate for A Hello,

Let me start off by saying, Aloha, Bonjour Salaam, Hola, Howdy Doo, Salutations, and What Up?

I would not take the seemingly cool reception too personally.  In reality, people vary in how they interact, how often they interact, and how engaged they become.  This is also true when dealing with complete strangers in stores or parking lots.

Extroverted people who are energized by interaction with others are more likely to say “Hello” to total strangers or  co-workers they may not know very well.  Introverted people may not see a reason to greet people they don’t see as their friends.  That doesn’t make them mean, just maybe shy or uncomfortable around people they don’t know well.

So, part of what you might be seeing is that everyone has a different style and way of interacting.  Most of the time, it has nothing at all to do with others; it has to do with them. 

Another reality in the workplace is that people walk back and forth and around the building all day long.  Saying “Hi” every time you pass someone in  the hallway can be cumbersome.  An initial “Hi” or “Good Morning” would seem reasonable.  After that, a smile would probably do.  Personally, I think it is awkward to just walk by a coworker and act like you don’t see them even though they are within three feet of  you.  But, sometimes people are just preoccupied, deep in thought, or on a mission to get to their destinations. 

Are the days of a man throwing his coat over a puddle for you to walk across without getting your shoes wet, over?  Absolutely (sigh)!  Should employees walk around like the Night of the Living Dead, foregoing common niceties?  Absolutely not! 

The following are a few tips that might increase friendliness among people who don’t know each other well:

1.  Take the initiative.  Give a hello or a smile to someone you don't know well.  The next time you see them, it might result in at least a smile from them.

2.  Introduce yourself.  Perhaps say, “I see you all the time but don’t really know where you work or who you are.  I’m...”.  Don’t impose more than a brief introduction.  Familiarity encourages acknowledgment the next time you see them. 

3.  Most acceptable by people seems to be making brief eye contact, a quick smile, and the raise of your hand slightly in a greeting.

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Oh, I almost forgot my manners,  Aurevoir, Auf Wiedersehen, Arrivederci, Adios, So Long, and Goodbye. 

Kindly Get Lost- How to Handle Employees Who Waste Your Time

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, 

I must have a “Waste My Time” sticker on my forehead because every day at work, “Chatty Cathy” plops down in my office chair and proceeds to tell me everything from her dog Fluffy’s latest hair-raising trick to how much money she saved recently by switching to Geico.  I don’t know if she’s completely clueless or if she realizes how much of my time she is wasting with her idle chit chat.
 
What can I say or do to limit “Chatty Cathy” time in my office on non-work related issues without breaking her spirit and affecting morale?

 Signed, “Kindly Get Lost”

A:  Dear  Kindly Get Lost, 

I like to call the “Chatty Cathys” of the world “perpetual seat warmers.”  They burrow into your office space and proceed to hibernate for the winter.   In lieu of waiting until springtime to nudge them out, you might want to consider one of the following tips: 

WALK AND TALK

I’m not a fan of continuing to work by  typing on my keyboard while an office crasher chats away.  I believe in the importance of giving all visitors, even those who are not invited, professional courtesy and attention.   Not to mention, some people just don’t get the obvious when you are busy.  A subtle, but effective method to get anyone out of your office is to do the “Walk and Talk.” 
Stand up and state that you have to fax or copy something that needs to get out immediately.  “I am so sorry, Cathy, I have to get this document faxed.  Perhaps you can call me later and we can set up a mutually convenient time to sit down and talk.”  Proceed to walk her out on your way to the copier or fax machine.  Usually, this will be a good hint to the visitor that you would prefer a scheduled meeting.

KEEP YOUR SEAT UNAVAILABLE

One way to ensure that an unexpected visitor doesn’t get too cozy in your office is to not allow a space to rest.  Place a large stack of papers or folders on your chair.  If you try that, the next time “Chatty Cathy” drops by for a lengthy visit, there will be no where to sit and fester.  It also becomes an opening to inform Cathy that you are on a tight schedule.  “Cathy, I’m really sorry I don’t have room for you to sit today.  I’m on a project deadline and I don’t have any time to chat.  How about lunch next week so we can catch up?”
 
PUT A SIGN ON YOUR DOOR

Finally, if all else fails and you don’t have time for interruptions, put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on your door and inform staff  you will be unavailable for a specified amount of time. 

Letting people overstep our boundaries often has to do with our inability to be comfortable with confronting people.  It’s especially hard when it’s someone you like.  “Chatty Cathy” types are usually really great people and fun to be around, but can be inconsiderate of your time.

On the flip side, don’t shut yourself off completely to friendly chit chat with co-workers.  It’s important as a team and a corporate culture to have a warm environment where friendly work relationships are cultivated.  Be sure to set aside “get to know you” time with co-workers.  Organize a monthly staff meeting, potluck, or just designate a break period to catch up with co-workers.

Oh, wow, I hate to cut this article short but I have to fax something.  Would you like to walk with me? 

Signed, Workplace Wonda

:-0 Shocked- Cell Phone Usage in the Workplace

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

I’ve noticed more and more that people are texting at work.  I’ve walked into several offices and noticed staff texting right at their desks.  This isn’t the first time I’ve witnessed this.  I even noticed employees texting during staff meetings and presentations.  Is this proper for the workplace? 

Signed:  :-O (Shocked)

A:  Dear :-O (Shocked),

OMG!  It's Textageddan! 

Blame it on Generation “Text” for this textatrocity! 

Generation "Text" are the many teens and young adults coming into the workplace who came out of the womb operating technological devices. 

Ringing or vibrating cell phones at work and during meetings is being replaced with text-messages or PDA e-mails.  While employees gasp at the sound of a cell phone ringing to the tone of ‘Baby’s Got Back’ during a meeting or presentation, many believe their quiet finger tapping at their phone keyboard goes unnoticed.  But... we see you.  Some try to hide what they are doing under the table, while others openly text or email in plan view.  Hey, I get it-it’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s  extremely useful when making a phone call isn’t an option.  I mean technically you’re not talking on the phone, right?  Wrong!

Texting during a meeting or presentation is just as rude and unprofessional as the phone ringing, you putting it on speaker phone for everyone to hear, and letting your BFF know that U R going 2B L8 for DNR.  Hey, Workplace Wonda isn’t so long in the tooth that I haven’t myself been caught up in textamania.  I get the fascination.  Of course, the quick and easy isn’t so quick for those of us who don’t know text messaging abbreviations.  Seriously, it takes me 20 minutes to type, “Can you pick up the kids tonight?”

Sorry,  I digress...

To answer your question, no it is not proper to text or e-mail during a meeting or presentation.  Talk about the professional “kiss of death."  It shows disrespect, lack of interest in the speaker, and suggests that you believe you are more important than all other individuals in attendance.  Not to mention that the elicit giggles or other distracting responses that you make while texting or e-mailing is especially irritating to those around you.    My suggestion - save texting and checking your PDA for breaks or your lunch hour.  If, however, your addiction to texting is so severe that you can’t control the urge to send a quick TGIF text to your work buddy, you might be a textaholic and I suggest immediate intervention.  Intervention could mean turning your phone off completely until a more appropriate time.  I know, I know, the horror!

For those facilitating a meeting or giving a presentation, I suggest using the direct approach and making an announcement at the beginning of the meeting in reference to phone calls, texting, or emails.  You could say something like this, “We only have a short time together.  I’d appreciate it if you would not use your PDA or text while I’m speaking.  If you must respond or are expecting a message, please feel free to step out to do your business.” 

Let’s be honest, unless you are expecting a text or e-mail that your wife has gone into labor, that a long awaited liver donor has finally been found for you or a family member, or that the President of the United States is anxiously awaiting your acceptance of the position of Supreme Court Judge, you probably could wait to check and respond to messages after the meeting or presentation.

Texting and emailing business-related information from a PDA is becoming a more acceptable norm in the workplace today.  This being said, monitoring or controlling personal abuse is becoming more difficult.  If you don’t already, you should incorporate a cell phone policy into your handbook.  This policy should include etiquette tips  and clear guidelines on acceptable and not acceptable cell phone usage. 

TAFN (that’s all for now, UNT (until next time).  Wow, this is addicting...

LOL,

Workplace Wonda

Ready to Explode- Working With Topic People

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

I need your help!  I feel like I’m slowly being poisoned by my co-worker’s toxic behavior.  From the minute Debby walks in until the minute she leaves, she is spewing negativity that radiates throughout the entire office.  Instead of giving positive suggestions, she nit picks everything and complains constantly.  How do I work with a person who has nothing better to do than contaminate office morale with her noxious attitude

Signed Ready to Explode

A:  Dear Ready to Explode,

Your situation sounds just like a scene from Mission Impossible.   Perhaps I can defuse some of your frustrations by offering you a few tips on dealing with toxic people like Debby.

The most important thing to remember is you can’t change her actions, but you can change your reaction.  How?  Let’s break it down:

Do some behavior analysis.  Toxic people like Debby often suffer from insecurities such as low self-esteem, poor communication skills, or social awkwardness.   Their negative behavior might be a way of building themselves up by tearing others down,  or they may be  having difficulties at home and are using the workplace as their personal toxic dumping ground.   Getting a little understanding of what makes Debby tick might allow you the patience and empathy needed to prevent your anger from detonating in 3... 2... 1!   

Try positive reinforcement.  When dealing with “Debby Downer,” steer the conversation from her negative comments about you or others, to positive comments about her.  A dosage of flattery might get you everywhere.   Use distraction when necessary to head off hazardous comments.  Keep up the positive chatter, and cut off any negativity by finding any excuse to politely walk away.  Hopefully, your positive attitude will be contagious.

Confront the problem head on.  Individuals like Debby have difficulty making personal and professional connections.  Explain to her, in a professional manner, how her behavior is affecting you.  Be specific.  People with poor social skills can come off as being brazen, even if that is not their intent.   You could even give her an example of a more positive and appropriate way she should communicate with you.  Tick...Tick..Tick... apply these principles and you might ignite Debby’s softer side, changing her behavior from noxious to nice. 

If all else fails.  Toxic people can pollute an organization quickly, having a detrimental affect on morale.  It becomes increasingly difficult for other staff working with these individuals to understand why this disease is allowed to grow.  So, if all else fails, you might have to report Debby’s behavior to the appropriate individual in your chain of command. 

Advice for the HR professional.  Many times the reason toxic people are not dealt with properly by supervisors  is because their performance can still be “the bomb,” while their personality is a real stinker.  It is much easier to document and address a tangible performance problem than to deal with an individual who isn’t pleasant to be around.

Employee handbooks should include a list of standards of conduct expected and one of those standards should reference attitude and behavior toward other employees and customers.  Violations of the standards of conduct should be addressed swiftly, including recommending termination if needed.

If you use these deactivation techniques and strike at the early warning signs of negativity you may be able to avoid the danger zone caused by toxic people.

Signed,

Workplace Wonda

It's Getting Hot Out Here, But Do NOT Take Off All Your Clothes!

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

The weather is heating up around here and so is some of the clothing staff is wearing to work!  Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but I don’t believe professionalism should be thrown in the hamper like layers of unwanted  clothing just because it’s hot.  I understand most organizations have a relaxed dress code during the summer, but we are running a business, not Club Med!  Any suggestion on how to handle summer dress code?   

Signed, Stressed About the Undressed

A:  Dear  Stressed About the Undressed, 

I can understand your frustration.  Dealing with dress code during the summer months can be a STICKY subject - for the employee - and for the employer. 

Employees want to feel fresh and comfortable when coming to work and employers want employees to look crisp and professional.  Unfortunately, if you do not have a clear dress code policy,  violations can heat up faster than Visalia in August.  

You are correct, more and more organizations are choosing a more “relaxed” or “business casual” dress code in the summer months.  Doing so can have a positive affect on employee morale, but It can also lead to serious problems for employers if the dress code is not communicated and enforced.
It might seem like common sense and in good taste to NOT show your bits and pieces at work; but hey, if everyone followed the rules, there would be no need for a Human Resources Department or Workplace Wonda. 

What is “business casual,” anyway?  Isn’t the title itself an oxymoron?  Talk about confusing.  Does this mean you can wear sandals with your suit or a tank top with your skirt?  If an employer does not set specific guidelines for appropriate dress, than you might get some mighty interesting interpretations of what “business casual” or “relaxed” means.  For me, “relaxed” means my extra-large overalls, a white t-shirt, and some comfy flip flops.

To answer your question, make sure your organization sends out a dress code reminder for the summer months. 

The dress code reminder will want to include do’s and don’ts and should inform employees of the consequences if the dress code is not followed.  What is considered appropriate might differ from business to business.  Shorts, open- toed shoes, or casual t-shirts might be acceptable in some professions.  Personally, I might actually break down and cry if the UPS guys quit wearing those brown shorts...

Employees should consider what image they want to project when deciding what to wear, whether it be summer or not.  I don’t think anyone wakes up and says, “today I think I’ll go Paris Hilton ala Carl’s Jr.”  At least I hope not.  The following are some basic “don’ts.”

1.  Don’t show too much skin.  Top half no-nos:  Spaghetti straps, strapless, sheer or low-cut tops or dresses.  Bottom half no-nos:  Short skirts and shorts. If you have to ask for forgiveness the next day, don’t wear it!

2.  Keep your feet neat.  According to several surveys, flip flops are considered the biggest dress code offender.  Professional sandals, flats, or loafers would be much more sweet on your feet.

3.  Men can also offend.  No-Nos include muscle shirts, flip flops, t-shirts that say things like “I’ll work for beer,” gym shorts.  Instead, choose khaki pants and light nylon or cotton polos. 

Remind staff that if they look in the mirror and are questioning if they should wear it or not, take the conservative route. 

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Love Stinks- Workplace Romance

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda, there is a couple in my office who are dating and the way they are behaving is starting to make me feel uncomfortable.  For one thing, they are openly affectionate and more than once I’ve caught them canoodling in the office.  In addition, one of the employees sticks around after closing just to hang out with the other employee who is scheduled to work later.  Is this appropriate for the workplace?  What are the ramifications if the relationship sours? 

Signed, Love Stinks

Say NO to Canoodling in the Workplace!

 

A:  Dear Love Stinks,

Workplace Wonda has a little experience in   this area.  I met Mr. Workplace Wonda “in the workplace;” therefore, you could say I’m the unofficial Poster Child for workplace romance.   It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to say office romance should be forbidden.  More to the point, it would be nearly impossible to prohibit office romance.  This would be like keeping Justin Beiber out of the news. It just isn't going to happen.

As long as individuals work in close proximity of one another -  for at least 40 hours a week, sharing similar ideas, experiences, and complaints - office romances will bloom.  Consequently, dealing with issues such as this is nothing new.  Thirty years ago, most companies had some policy about not dating co-workers.  Typically, it would be the woman who would have to leave the company if the policy was violated. 

Today, more companies allow relationships within the workplace as long as the individuals involved don’t report to one another.  Most companies agree that allowing a supervisor to date a subordinate under their chain of command is just plain dumb.  Allowing this will increase the threat of sexual harassment, favoritism, and/or conflict of interest complaints.

You mention a couple of the risks in your question above, such as loss of productivity, lack of professionalism, and the ramifications of a break-up.  It is the employer and supervisor’s responsibility to address a relationship if it’s impacting work and others.  According to Lynda Reeves of Added Value Resumes, “As a manager, your role is not to squash relationships or pass judgment.  It is, plain and simple, to support all staff equally.  Support entails ensuring that those in a romance, marriage, or breakup are being as professional as possible and are not behaving in a manner that adversely affects productivity and teamwork.”

If a supervisor suspects a relationship among co-workers, providing it is not just a rumor, he or she should explain to both individuals the importance of keeping the personal aspect of their relationship separate from the workplace.  If the love and passion between the two is too much for them to handle and their performance is slipping, a transfer or dismissal could be considered.

The biggest problem office romances cause for employers is the possibility of a sexual harassment complaint if the relationship goes bad.  One employee may continue to pursue the other employee who then complains of harassment.  This is why some companies implement love contracts, whereas both employees sign a contract that they wish to mutually enter into a consensual social relationship.  They also both agree that they will not allow a breakup to negatively impact the performance of their duties. 

Policies on personal relationships at work, romantic or otherwise, can help to avoid some of the negative consequences that might grow.  Provisions could include: 

A.  Behavior at work, i.e. public displays of affection during working hours or on company premises are prohibited.

B.  A requirement to disclose the relationship and sign a “love contract”, etc.

In reference to your question; no, it is not appropriate for the two employees to be canoodling in the workplace or distracting the other from his or her work.  No one wants to walk into a Marvin Gaye moment, particularly when you are the third party!

I recommend talking with the individual’s supervisor.  Explain to him or her your concerns and the fact that the couples’ public canoodling is making you feel uncomfortable.  I’m sure the supervisor can water them down with a cool talking to.

Signed, Workplace Wonda

I'm too busy!

Q:   Dear Workplace Wonda,

I need your help!  Last week,  I had a meeting with co-workers to gather data for a time-sensitive project that I am working on.  When Bob showed up, he immediately started asking how long the meeting was going to be (even though it was specified on the agenda that was sent to him prior to the meeting) because he had “sooo much” work to do.  Bob is always talking about how “busy” he is and how he doesn’t have time to assist other team members because he is “sooo swamped.”  What makes him think his time is more valuable than anyone else?   And what about my project? 

Signed,  Not too Busy to Complain About Bob

A:  Dear Not too Busy to Complain About Bob,

I feel your pain. This is a personal pet peeve of mine and reminds me of one of my favorite comic strips by Randy Glasbergen that says, "No matter how busy I am, I'm never too busy to stop and complain about how busy I am." 

I’ve had a similar situation myself when I requested data from a coworker via email.  I received the following response:  Wonda, I understand you are under the gun for those numbers and need them immediately.  Unfortunately, I am working on my own project and it takes precedence  over your request.   I wish I had more time to assist you, but I have so much to do and little time to complete my own tasks let alone print you out the report you need.  Seriously, I have not had a second of down time and I’m not even sure when I will finish my project.  The following is a list of things I have to do on my project before I can even think about helping someone else.   (too lengthy to include in this article) Check back in a week or so and I’ll let you know when I’ll come up for air. 

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  The time it took him to write this lengthy response on how busy he is to help me, he could have printed that darn report. 

What fascinates me about  individuals like Bob is that they are usually the first in line at the “boss is away” potluck and always have time to put his or her two cents in when discussing the latest episode of the Bachelor or the Housewives of Wherever. 

In all seriousness though, Bob could be suffering from a couple things. 

1)  Low self-esteem, and/or 2) Lack of time management skills.  Usually, employees who complain about having too little time often thrive on the sense of importance that their busyness generates.  Every single time Bob says, “I’m busy” or “I don’t have time,” it reinforces how darn successful and important he is.  Sometimes, complaining about  overwhelming demands are easier than setting priorities and getting organized.

Unfortunately, my psychoanalysis of Bob isn’t going to make Bob assist you and the team.  The truth is, Bob just doesn’t think what you have to do is as important as what he has to do.  My advice to you is to work on Bob’s need to feel important.  Tell him you understand he is busy, but he is an integral part of the project.  Then give him specific tasks and deadlines.  If that doesn’t work, you might have to go to yours and/or his boss and let him or her know how Bob’s unwillingness to assist in the project could jeopardize its completion. 

I wish I could offer you more advice, but I am a very busy girl...

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Bullied to the Bone-Workplace Bullying

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

I have been at my current  job for about four months and I am having a problem with my boss. She yells at me every day in front of the entire office, questions everything I do, and is frankly, rude. When I was first hired, there was another girl that she use to yell at and humiliate.  This girl finally had enough and walked out.  Now she's doing the same to me!   I go home in tears every night with a splitting headache and dread going to work each morning.   I want to quit, but in this economy I’m afraid I won’t be able to find another job.  What are my options? 

Signed Bullied to the Bones

 

A:  Dear Bullied to the Bones,
I am so sorry that you are having to experience such an unprofessional and demoralizing working environment.   Unfortunately, you are not alone.  According to the largest survey done in the US on workplace bullying (WBI-Zogby Survey-2007), an estimated 54 million (37% of the US workforce) report being bullied at work.

There is a name for bosses like yours, and I think you’ve already defined yours as being one.  A bully.  Bullies set out to intimidate, degrade, humiliate, and sabotage.   Personally, I prefer the description Robert I. Sutton gives to these types of bosses in his book titled:  The No A**hole Rule.  He says when he encounters a mean-spirited person, the first thing he think of is, “What an ***hole!”  (Thus, the title of his book).  I know.  This isn’t the most polite or politically correct description; but personally, I can’t think of a better one.  He also describes the importance of determining if the bully is a “temporary ***hole” or a “certifiable ***hole.”  He states that everyone can have a bad day or bad moment every once in a while and act like an ***hole, but a certifiable ***hole’s behavior is consistent, persistent, and is purposely aimed at belittling a person and making him or her feel worse about him/herself.  

The problem employers are having dealing with bullies in the workplace is that unless the behavior can be specifically attributed to a protected class, as defined by state and federal law, then the behavior is not illegal.  In other words, it is not illegal to be an ***hole.  My question to employers is, why does it have to be illegal to be unacceptable? 

There is no doubt bullying is occurring.  In fact, according to the Workplace Bullying Institute, workplace bullying is four times more prevalent than illegal, discriminatory harassment.   Combine this with 72% of bullies outranking their targets, and a bullied employee can feel pretty defenseless.  And rightly so.

There is truly only one solution.  Zero Tolerance.  Employers need to STOP reinforcing bullying in the corporate culture by rewarding bullies with promotions or treating complaints with indifference.

There is no doubt that bullying affects the organization’s bottom line.  Costs associated with turnover, absenteeism, decreased performance, workers’ compensation claims,  decreased morale, staff time handling complaints, and legal fees makes keeping even a high-performing bully BAD business!
Sadly, this logic is not registering with employers.  In fact, according to the WBI-Zogby Survey, in 62 percent of cases, when employers are made aware of bullying, they made the problem worse for the victim or simply did nothing.

I am sorry, Bullied to the Bone, this is probably not the facts you want to hear.  But, unless your company has an anti-bullying policy, and are enforcing it, your options are limited.  Options to consider:

1)  You can choose to stay, say nothing, and continue to be humiliated and go home stressed.

2) You could complain to upper management or Human Resources and hope they will do something.

3)  You could quit. 

I know these options do not seem fair, but it’s reality at this point.

An anti-bullying movement has  been gaining speed for years in the United States and more and more states are pushing anti-bullying legislation.  Unfortunately, until employers are pushed by law to protect their employees from bullies, little will change.  You have control though, and you have a choice.  What you need to ask yourself is:  Should I stay or should I go...

For more information on workplace bullying, visit  http://www.workplacebullying.org/

Signed,

Workplace Wonda

Sick of Potty Mouths in the Workplace

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

 I’ve noticed there has been a lot of casual cursing around the office where I work.  I find it offensive and unprofessional and I think other employees do too.  How would you handle this situation?

Signed, Sick of Potty Mouths

What the $#!!*?

A: Dear Sick of Potty Mouths,

There is no doubt that the days of saying fiddlesticks, ding dangit, and whoopee daisies are over.  Today, words used to express frustration are much more blue, crude, raw, and just plain profane.  Unfortunately, cursing in casual conversation is socially acceptable by some and expletives are now standard adjectives, nouns and verbs used in movies, music, and on TV.  But there is one place where the use of four lettered words is still not acceptable, W-O-R-K!

I’m not saying that everyone in the workplace needs to use a prudishly Mary Poppins-like vocabulary and skip around the workplace singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious... But, letting an f-bomb explode from your mouth in the workplace gives a bad impression, can endanger customer relationships, and be taken as a sign of ignorance, disrespect, hostility, or lack of control. 

Some things to ponder before you break out your best Al Pacino’s Scarface impression during a staff meeting:

1.  It offends more people than you may think.  Many people feel uncomfortable around cursing, but don’t know how to address it with the individual who is offending.  People do overhear your conversations even when you think no one is listening. 

2.  Think of appropriate language at work like adhering to a dress code.  In the same way people that dress for success in a casual environment are perceived to be more professional, those who choose their words carefully and speak well, are perceived to be more professional, educated, and versed with social grace.  Set the example that it’s better to have class than be crass. 

3.  It can be said differently.  Think about the impact of your words on the situation.  Will they be seen as inappropriate?  Will anyone be insulted or embarrassed?  Would your grandma be offended?  Take time to make your point without using a four-letter expletive.

4.  Peppering conversations with ineffective and unimaginative curse words doesn’t make you sound particularly articulate, intelligent, or powerful.  In fact, it is just the opposite.

5.  Swearing isn’t illegal, in general, but the perception of whatever is said can lead to greater damage if it is not kept under control.  It can lead to discrimination, sexual harassment claims, perpetuate a negative workplace environment, and make some people so uncomfortable that they dread being with or around the offender. 

How would I handle this situation?  First, by doing exactly what you are doing - bringing the topic up  as an area of concern and asking that it be addressed.  Second, I would either address the issue directly with the offender or discuss it with the offender’s supervisor.  Cursing in the workplace should be clearly addressed in any employee handbook.   The best way to address it is immediately after the offense occurred.  For example, you might say,  “Do you mind using cleaner language; when you curse it makes me feel uncomfortable.” 

For those of you with potty mouths, consider this before dropping the next F-bomb: if you don’t clean up your language, you might just flush yourself right out of a job.

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Feeling Blah at Work?

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

I've been with the company for more than ten years now, and I've lost some of the excitement  and motivation that I had when I started.  How do I increase my motivation and gain some of the enthusiasm I had when I first started?

Signed,

Feeling Blah

A:    Dear  Feeling Blah,

The start of anything new fills us with excitement- and sometimes fear.  The motivation in the beginning is fueled by the unknown and the anxiety and excitement of mastering a new skill. 
Frankly, it sounds to me like "You've Lost that Lovin' Feelin'."  

You look across the room.  Your eyes meet.  The chemistry is undeniable.  Your heart starts to beat faster and your palms start to sweat.  You place your elbows on the table with your chin rested on your hands as you listen intently to what may be "the most fascinating words" to EVER leave a mouth. 

Fast forward ten years.

You look across the room.  Unbelievable!  He left his dirty socks on the floor again.  Your pulse quickens and heat flushes your face as you angrily throw the dirty socks in the hamper for the hundredth time.  You cross your arms and let out a strained breath and ask the same question you ask every day, "How was your day?"  With equal effort, you hear back, "Nothing new." 

Just like the end of the "Honeymoon Phase" in a budding relationship, the newness of working for the same company for years can wear off.  Just ask any long-term couple what their secret is for staying together.  Most likely they will respond, "It takes work!"   It is natural to get a little bored or complacent when driving to the same place, to work with the same people, doing the same tasks, year-after year- after year. 

So, how do you bring the spark back into your job?  The following are a few examples:

1.  Take a stroll down Memory Lane.  Ask yourself what attracted you to the job in the first place.  Was it the Mission?  Was it serving customers?  Was it the flexibility the job offered? Or, was it just that you needed the money and you were happy to be able to pay your bills?  Determining your motivator might help you determine, "Should I stay or should I go?”

2.  Be spontaneous.  Sometimes we get bogged down with directed work that can be monotonous depending on what your daily tasks are.  Take a moment to find something that is self-initiated and breaks up your day.  It might be as simple as organizing your desk or initiating a new process that could make your duties more effective and "different."

3.  Add new tricks.  Inspiration can come from many places, including training.  Attend training that is not just job specific, but that will enhance your personal development.  Growing your knowledge in other areas of the corporation can also make you feel more in tune with the big picture.  Ask your supervisor if you could share what you've learned with team members.

4.  Communicate your feelings.  Talk with your supervisor about how you are feeling.  I wouldn't start the conversation by saying, "I dread coming to work every day. " Or, "I'm so bored!"  Instead, express to your supervisor that you are looking to add new responsibilities to your current job.  You might ask if there are any special projects you could work on or any committees you could join.  Working with team members from other departments or working on a new project might just be what you need to refocus.  At the same time, your supervisor will be impressed with your initiative. 

5.  Move on.  If you are unable to ignite the passion you once felt for your job, it might be time to move on.  This might mean applying for a different position within your organization.  If that isn't a possibility and your lack of motivation is hurting yourself and the organization, it might be time to "move on." 

Best of luck to you!

You eagerly look out the window.  Is that butterflies in my stomach after all these years?  You run to the door and throw it wide open.  His face lights up as he compliments your new haircut. 

Mr. Workplace Wonda is home.  Just where he belongs!

Signed, Workplace Wonda