Why Can't Supervisor's Walk the Talk?

Dear Workplace Wonda,

I have an issue with the hypocrisy that sometimes occurs in my office.  It particularly annoys me when supervisors have completely different rules for themselves than they do for their staff.  Why is this allowed and how can it be changed?

Signed,

 

"Why Can’t Supervisors Walk the Talk?"

 

Dear "Why Can’t supervisor’s Walk the Talk?,"

Why?  One of the most asked questions in the world!  Young children love to ask why.  Why is the sky blue?  Why did the chicken cross the road?  Initially, parents think the constant why questions are so cute, “Little Johnnie is so inquisitive, isn’t he adorable?” But very quickly the constant whys force parents to do something they said they would never do!   Repeat an answer formerly used by their parents, “Because I said so!” 

Unfortunately, there is not always a satisfying answer to a why question.  My young nephew learned this first hand when he asked my mom the following, “Grandma, why are you so old?”  And they say there is no such thing as a dumb question.  My mom looks at my young nephew and deadpans, “Matthew, why are you so ugly?”  My nephew instantly bursts into tears.  This was his first lesson on what “why” question you should never ask a woman. 

I realize I am stalling on answering your why question.  The truth is, some supervisors don’t get it, or don’t care if their actions are perceived negatively by their employees.  This is a huge error on the part of the supervisor.  Not caring about how you are perceived will impact your ability to serve and lead effectively.

“Leadership is an opportunity to serve.  It is not a trumpet call to self-importance.” – J. Donald Walters

Being a leader does not exempt you from the same expectations of hard work placed on employees.  In fact, being a leader elevates your responsibility as you must lead by example.  The leader sets the pace.  The leader(s) of an organization determine the corporate culture. 

Do you want employees that gossip and spread negativity?  Then you better not gossip and spread negativity.  Do you want your employees to come in on time?  Then you better be in on time.   Do you want your employees to work hard, show integrity, and serve others?  Then you better show them what it looks like to work hard and be a servant leader. 

“It doesn’t take a hero to order men into battle.  It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.”-Norman Schwarzkopf

Why is hypocrisy allowed?  Because a culture has been created that says it is acceptable.  How can it be changed?   Remember, the leaders set the pace.  Until a standard is set and accountability is enforced, the hypocrisy will continue.  What can you do?  You can set your own pace.  Don’t follow the lead of those supervisors who don’t get it or don’t care.  Be the best employee that you can be.  Show up on time.  Work hard.  Don’t gossip and spread negativity.  Be the example.  Perhaps, by being the example, you will encourage others to follow your lead.  If you can do that, I believe you will have what it takes to be a great leader, and just maybe, change the culture of your organization.

Signed,

Workplace Wonda

P.S.  Stupid questions and comments run in my family.  My sons recently told me that I’m starting to look like Grandma.  I asked, “How so?” (my stupid question).  He replied by pointing to the “parenthesis” wrinkles on the sides of my mouth.  For his safety, I have not mentioned this to my mom!

Favoritism in the Workplace: Perception or Fact

Q:  Dear Workplace Wonda,

There is an employee in our office that is the obvious “favorite” of the supervisor.  This employee even brags about it in the office.  I don’t know if it’s true, but most of the employees in my office are feeling this way.  How do we let our supervisor know how we are feeling without coming off as petty or jealous?

Signed, Proverbial Step-Child

A:  Dear Proverbial Step-Child,

Favoritism for one employee over another by a supervisor is one of the most common, and often times, false perceptions occurring in the workplace.  Stating that someone is the “favorite” is a pretty subjective comment, unless you can substantiate it or the supervisor admits it. 

For example, Workplace Wonda is a HUGE Denver Broncos fan.  My baby brother is a Seattle Seahawks fan, my oldest brother is an Oakland Raiders fan, and my middle brother is a Los Angeles Rams fan.  All of the sudden, my mother who has never been a huge football fan, starts sporting Seattle Seahawks t-shirts and beanies!  Hmm, I’m no Nancy Drew, but I found it pretty easy to solve the mystery of who my mom’s favorite child is!  Her baby boy, of course!   Regardless of the smoking gun, my mother adamantly denied the obvious, stating, “I love you all the same!”  Really?  If that was the case, wouldn’t she at least wear a Broncos jersey, Seahawks beanie, Rams scarf, and a Raiders sweatshirt?    Just saying...

As humans, it is in our nature to gravitate towards individuals with similar personalities, interests, backgrounds, or be the baby in the family.  Some people just connect more than others.   Unfortunately, when it is the supervisor seemingly connecting with certain employees more than others, perception of favoritism can run rampant.  I say perception because if you look at the definition of favoritism, i.e., the practice of giving unfair preferential treatment to one person or group at the expense of another, claiming favoritism is a pretty strong accusation. 

It’s important to take a look at what is really happening.  Is your supervisor really favoring somebody unfairly?  Is the behavior affecting morale and productivity in your office or department?  Is the glory given to the “favorite” unjustified?    Are you feeling this way because of legitimate incidents of unfair treatment or the fact that this employee receives more attention from the boss?  It’s easy to feel left out when you are not getting the same one-on-one attention from your boss that another might be receiving.  It certainly doesn’t help that Mr. or Mrs. Braggedy brag pants is claiming boss’s pet status. 

So, what can you do?  The following are a few options:

1)      Tell your supervisor how you feel.  This can be difficult, and yes, your supervisor might think you are being petty or jealous; particularly, if he or she is completely clueless about the perception in the office.  

 

a.       Supervisor Tip:  Listen.  Perception can be just as deadly to morale as fact.  Don’t poo-poo your employee’s feelings.  They might not be the only one feeling this way. 

 

2)       Concentrate on you.  Instead of concentrating on the alleged favorite’s relationship with your supervisor, concentrate on yours.  Be pleasant, helpful, give suggestions for improvements, and ask for new assignments.  This will get you noticed and put you on his or her radar. 

 

a.       Supervisor Tip:  Do a checkup from the neck up.  This is the time where you can be a servant leader and ask each of your employees what they need from you to excel in their jobs.  A little one-on-one attention goes a long way to squash false perceptions. 

Feeling resentment is a waste of energy and won’t change anything.  Sometimes the best revenge is succeeding.  When the Broncos won the Super Bowl this year, do you think I threw shade at my Seattle Seahawk-loving mom and baby brother?  Darn straight I did!  Hey, I never professed to be above the middle child syndrome. 

Hey, mom, “Broncos rule, Seahawks drool!

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Dress Code Policy: Searching for Answers

Q: Dear Workplace Wonda,

I am a new employee and reviewed our handbook very closely to make sure I am following all the rules and policies. I have noticed that even though the dress code policy is very clear, a lot of people in other departments and divisions do not follow the guidelines. For example, last week on Friday, I noticed several employees wearing tank tops and thong type sandals. I asked my supervisor if I could wear these comfy options and was told “No” because they violate the dress code policy. Is there really a dress code? Or does it come down to who you know?

Signed, Searching for Answers

Dear Searching for Answers,

A: It’s obvious if employees are wearing tank tops and flip flops (or thong sandals) to work, even on casual Friday, the dress code policy has failed! That is, unless you work for Wild Water Adventure Park.

This is a dilemma that many employers face each year around this time. As soon as there is an inkling of temperatures hitting the 80’s, clothes start shrinking and falling off. It is as if the blazers and sweaters that we’ve lovingly wrapped our bodies in during winter suddenly tighten their itchy grasp, threatening to cut off our life support. So low on oxygen, damage occurs to the frontal lobe of the brain which affects one’s ability to think and make choices. Thus, the decision to wear tank tops and flip flops to work seems like a logical decision to some. To those of us not strangled by our winter wardrobe, the idea of wearing beach wear to work does not compute with our fully functioning brain.

Most employers have some type of dress code policy. The problem is, employees often have their own interpretation of what is appropriate in the workplace. If employees are not reminded of what is considered professional and appropriate, then skies the limit. Casual Fridays will end up becoming Freaky Friday as employees arrive to work in house shoes and Tweety Bird lounge pants!

Sure, employers could open a Workplace Fashion Police Department with staff solely responsible for carrying around a measuring tape to ensure skirts are no shorter than 2” above the knee. Or, they could shame all dress code violators by posting their photos on the Intranet and have a panel discuss their workplace fashion faux pas. But, most employers don’t have it in their budgets to support such an effort. Instead, employers trust their management staff to address violations of the dress code as they occur.

In fact, your question is the perfect example of what happens when managers don’t address (or participate in) dress code violations. It becomes a “why do I have to follow the rules if they don’t have to?” This is my advice to you. Continue to follow the dress code policy. You will be looked upon more favorably as a professional. I commend your supervisor for explaining to you that tank tops and thong type sandals are not appropriate for the workplace. It’s obvious that your supervisor has your best interest and the interest of his/her department or division in mind.

To you tank top sporting, thong sandal flopping employees out there, please take notice; new employees are looking at you for the standard of what is appropriate in the workplace. If you are unsure of what is appropriate to wear to work, ask your supervisor or contact Human Resources. Remember, you have only seven seconds to make a first impression. What kind of impression do you want to make at your company?

Signed, Workplace Wonda

Workplace or War Zone- Bullying in the Workplace

Dear Workplace Wonda, I was reading your blog and came across the entry titled, “Bullied to the Bone-Workplace Bullying” and it is pretty sad to know that in situations like these there’s nothing we can do as employees when it comes to being bullied by our boss.  

I am constantly talked down to by my boss who feels the need to copy their boss every time I make a mistake.  I hesitate to ask questions or explain myself because communicating with my boss feels like a confrontation, instead of a conversation.  

I don’t believe this is a healthy environment working under these circumstances.  You can feel the tension.   In fact, several employees have already quit or transferred because of this bullying boss.  Any advice will be greatly appreciated. 

Signed, Workplace or War Zone?

Dear Workplace or War Zone, first may I say, my heart breaks that you are feeling less than encouraged and engaged in your workplace.  When you think about it, we spend 1/3 of our day at work.  We certainly want that time to be positive and productive.  Spending 1/3 of your day feeling discouraged and belittled affects the remaining percentage of your day.

When we think of bullies, we often think of the school yard bully.  Many movies have been made about bullies, including:  Carrie, Mean Girls, Heathers, and Revenge of the Nerds, just to name a few.   One of my favorite movies, “Back to the Future,” had an iconic bully, Biff!   Biff was the classic wedgie-serving loudmouth that famously targeted the shy and timid George McFly.   His best known lines are “Hello?  Hello?  Anybody home?  Think, McFly!  and “Hey, butthead!”  Interestingly, there have been several recent headlines stating, “A real-life Biff is running for president!”  I’ll let you use your imagination to determine who the articles might be referencing.

Whether it is in the school yard or in the workplace, bullies have similar goals:  to intimidate and humiliate.  According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, workplace bullying is repeated, health-harming mistreatment of one or more persons (the targets) by one or more perpetrators.   

In my previous blog, I explained that many employers ignore “bullying” behavior because in itself it’s not considered illegal, unless; it can be specifically attributed to a protected class, as defined by state and federal law.  In layman’s terms, at this time, it is not illegal to be an ***hole!  But, is it okay?  Absolutely not! 

California lawmakers are even taking notice.  In 2015, California passed Law360 that requires supervisors to complete anti-bullying training every two years in conjunction with the AB1825 which requires supervisors to attend sexual harassment prevention training every two years.   Although a baby step, it is a step in the right direction.  Still, employers hold the ultimate power in stopping workplace bullying.  It defies logic that basic rules of civility would not apply to bosses.  Frankly, the command-and-control leadership style still allowed by many employers is outdated and ineffective in 2016. 

Blah, blah, blah, none of these “excuses” of why bullying and incivility is occurring in workplaces everywhere helps you.  And if I’m to be honest, I’m stalling because I know you won’t like my answer.

Unfortunately, the options haven’t changed since my previous blog entry.  In a nutshell, you can stay, you can quit, or you can report the behavior.  Sadly, until your employer enforces a corporate culture free from bullying and incivility, little will change.

That was my politically correct answer.  What would Workplace Wonda do?  I’d go all “Norma Rae”  and march through the office singing, “We’re not going to take it, no we’re not going to take it, we’re not going to take it anymore….”  Okay, that probably wouldn’t be effective now that I think of it.  Unless you were a child of the 1980’s!  Twisted Sisters, anyone?  A better idea would be to give my employer the opportunity to address it. 

Please keep in mind, change occurs slowly and your employer might need time to assess the situation.  I can’t guarantee this will be a fix, but if no one says anything, it is a guarantee that nothing will be fixed.

Signed Workplace Wonda

 

 

Break Room Etiquette- Has anyone seen my ketchup?

Dear Workplace Wonda,

 

Kitchen utensils and condiments have been disappearing from my office.   I recently purchased (with my own money) forks and spoons and this week they are gone. I also have, in the past, bought ketchup and salad dressing, and they magically disappears when I need them.  I have a new boss and don’t know how to talk to him about this.  Can you please help?

Signed, Buyers Beware

 

 

 

Dear Buyers Beware,

Is nothing sacred?  Missing items out of the workplace break room is as mysterious as the “missing sock.”  You buy a “pair” but always end up with a “single!”  Where do they all go?  Somewhere in the world is the match to over a zillion orphaned socks.  Can’t we put a chip in them like we do our dogs and have a national hot line where you can report lost and found socks?  Or better yet, have a singles cruise where lonely socks can mingle and find the perfect or nearly perfect match!  Seriously, if anyone has seen a single ASICS women’s intensity athletic sock (Style #:  ZKD2035) in purple and white, size large, please tell it to come home.   

Focus, Workplace Wonda!  

O.K., I’m back.  Back to you and your missing ketchup.  Whether it is not washing your dishes, cleaning up after yourself, or swiping co-workers forks, it all comes down to workplace etiquette.  Behavior in the workplace often mirrors behavior in the home.  Hmmm, that gets me thinking.  Mr. Workplace Wonda never puts his coffee mug in the dishwasher at home.  I wonder if he leaves his coffee mug out at work.  I must investigate!   My point is, we spend so much time at the office and with our co-workers, and we tend to throw workplace etiquette right out with the carton of creamer Sandy stole from Janet last week. 

Now, you’re not saying, but I’m assuming, these items you have purchased are stored in the community break room.  I’m also assuming they were purchased for your use only since you are upset they are missing.  In my office, unless it is someone’s lunch or drink or has their name on it, it is considered community property.  That is why one of my co-workers hides a tub of tasty treats in her office.   She so correctly has surmised that if she puts the tub of candy out in the community break room, in public view of “those who shall remain nameless,” they will be quickly devoured.    If this is an option for you with the nonperishable items, you might consider storing them in your office and bringing them out when needed.

 

Another option is to post break room rules.  For example, in my office, a certain employee was forced to post the following:  Please clean up after yourself.  * Don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink.  * Dry them and put them away.  Our kitchen will look so much nicer.    Does this work?  Yes!  But, can I tell you a little secret?  When she has the day off or on vacation, I freely leave my coffee mug in the sink, unwashed, not put away!  I giggle and laugh, and state for the whole office to hear, “Free at last, oh God almighty, we are free at last!”   I kid.   If there were no rules, we would sink into savagery like the schoolboys in “Lord of the Flies.”

How to address with a new boss is simple.  Instead of complaining, introduce possible solutions and ask your boss to place break room rules on your next meeting agenda.  This way, it becomes on office discussion and everyone can become a part of the solution. 

The only other option is to do what Elsa did in the movie “Frozen.”  Let it go….Let it go…

Signed, Workplace Wonda

 

 

 

And the Award Goes to.... Dealing with Drama in the Workplace

Q: Dear Workplace Wonda, I love a good drama, but lately, the drama in my office has been straight from an episode of the Real Housewives of the Central Valley. Jealously, gossiping, and negativity has taken over my office. What can I do to stop all the backstabbing without playing a starring role?

Signed, And the Award Goes to…

A: Dear, And the Award Goes to…, in a drama, whether it be a book, movie, play, or reality TV show, there is typically a conflict or triggering incident that occurs between two or more characters that ends in a climatic finale, whether good or bad. For example, the reality show The Bachelor hypes every week that there will be "the most dramatic rose ceremony ever!" For the two of us who are fans of the show, it usually results in one or two attention-seeking models getting a rose who a) have a drinking problem, b) have posed for a "gentleman’s magazine", or c) are Cuckoo for Coco Puffs! The bachelors’ choices usually result in fits of jealousy and anger among the other contestants, which ignites additional drama- and even better ratings. Unfortunately, drama does not translate so profitably in the real world of work

To answer your question, I will have to generalize my response as I do not know your cast of characters or triggering incident that led to your office/department being nominated for best ensemble cast in a Made-for-Workplace drama. This is a category no one wants to win, trust me!

Drama in the workplace usually stems from people with differing personalities being required to work together in close proximity for up to 8 hours a day. Talk about a cesspool for drama! It’s not like if you out wit, out last, or out play your co-worker you will win $1 million and they will be voted out of your office/department forever! Instead, you are forced to "make it work." But, how do you make it work when gossip, rumors, negativity, cliques, incivility, and office politics take center stage? The following are some tips on how to be a survivor of workplace drama. 

Don’t Sign Up for the Show- The best way to survive workplace drama is to not get involved in the first place. Steer clear of those fighting for a role and don’t turn in an audition tape. Not only should you not be a cast member, you should not be in the audience either. If others try to pull you in, simply walk off the set.

Be the Voice of Reason- If you get a part in a drama that you did not audition for, you might be forced to play the voice of reason. Explain to those involved that you are not interested in participating and that they should not either. Inform them of the company policies in regard to behavior in the workplace and the consequences that it can cause.  

Sign a Petition to Get the Drama Canceled- If the drama is too much to ignore and those involved are not listening to your advice, you might have to bring it to the attention of the supervisor. I will warn you.  Supervisors hate dealing with these types of issues and usually consider them trivial and time-wasters. If not careful, the whole cast might be called to the boardroom where everyone will have to defend their role in the drama. Even if you don't say anything to your supervisor, trust me. there are undercover bosses watching.  

Beware.  Once typecast as a "troublemaker," "gossiper," or other drama-laced title, you might have a difficult time being cast in any other type of role in the future.  

　

Signed,

Workplace "No Drama" Wonda

Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers- Addressing Employee Hygiene

Q: Dear Workplace Wonda, there is an employee who visits my office a couple of times a week. Each time he comes in, he has this unpleasant smell that stinks up the entire office. The odor is so bad that employees spray Febreze or turn on their scented candles to cover the smell. Some employees even complain of headaches! How do I address such an uncomfortable subject? 

 

Signed, Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers

 

A: Dear Holding My Breath Until I Get Answers, Wow, you really are in a stinky, I mean, sticky situation! On one hand, you have employees screaming, "foul." On the other hand, you have an employee who is seemingly senseless when it comes to his own Pepé Le Pee-ew!

It kind of reminds me of one of my favorite SpongeBob SquarePants episodes titled, "Something Smells." In the episode, SpongeBob decides to make a sundae, but doesn't have any ice cream. Instead, he uses onions, ketchup, and peanuts. When he goes out to Bikini Bottom, everyone avoids him because of his rancid breath. SpongeBob's good buddy Patrick does not smell the foul odor because he does not have a nose and tells SpongeBob that everyone is avoiding him because he has the "uglies!" Later in the episode, Patrick eats one of SpongeBob's special sundaes, and when everyone runs from him, he thinks he caught the "uglies" from SpongeBob. SpongeBob eventually smells Patrick's breath and has an epiphany. He says, "Patrick, we are not ugly, we just have bad breath from eating the sundaes"! Both SpongeBob and Patrick run around happily announcing, "WE STINK!" "WE STINK!" 
 

The episode clearly shows how oblivious SpongeBob and Patrick are to the funk fermenting from their mouths. Could the same be true of the "little stinker" in your office? If not, we have to presume that the employee is getting a whiff of himself and is wearing his odour parfum de rancid with purposeful pride. Highly unlikely. Think about it. We are with ourselves all day long. We get used to our own scent. Our nose doesn't always know what other's noses know. Nose what I mean?

In all likelihood, the employee is unaware that he is staring in a Febreze smell test commercial and that he is staring as the SMELLY ODOR! Supervisors, this is what you get paid the big bucks to address. Discussing body odor with an employee is considered one of the top "difficult and awkward conversations" a supervisor has to have with an employee. The following are a few tips you can use to end "Smellygate".

1. Meet in private with the employee. If you are a female supervisor talking with a male employee or vice versa, perhaps having a supervisor of the same sex might be less uncomfortable for the employee. It should be a supervisor that works with the employee, not Joe Supervisor from another office. Not that you would be too successful trying to convince a supervisor from another office to help you on this one.

2. You might explain to the employee that you have to discuss a topic that is uncomfortable, but important to address. No need to be apologetic because hygiene problems do reflect poorly on the company. If they become defensive or embarrassed, you could explain that you are not wanting to humiliate them, but their personal hygiene needs to be corrected. Be specific on what needs to be addressed, such as bad breath, body odor, too much perfume or cologne. In reality, you are doing the employee a favor by bringing it to his attention.

3.  Be sure to follow-up to ensure that the problem was addressed. I'm not suggesting that you sniff the employee every time he enters the office, but just be aware of how employees are responding (running, fainting, wearing gas masks) to know if further discussions need to occur. Hopefully, this will go smoothly, and you will be able to bathe, I mean, bask in the sweet smell of success.

Signed, Workplace Wonda